is my life a nightmear i can't wake up from?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by darcy1, Sep 29, 2011.

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  1. darcy1

    darcy1 Well-Known Member

    does anyone out there ever wonder if the world we live in is real? like maybe you are stuck in a nightmenar you can't wake up from?

    i have suffered depression, severe anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder, insomnia, OCD, severe hypochondria since being a child, have a history of substance abuse which i used to try to self medicate. plus i have chronic back pain and an std.

    a couple years ago when i quit drinking and smoking pot, my world collapsed and i began thinking about suicide i became unable to sleep and started having panic attacks.

    i was perscibed zopiclone to help me sleep and got hooked on that but the inter dose withdrawl was so bad i swithced over to valium...longer half life.

    i often have nightmears. i have dreams where it is more real there in the dream than it is here. dreams about not being able to sleep all the time. false awakenings (dreams within dreams). i am constantly hounded by my fears in dreams. i have dreams that come true the next day or a month or 2 later (precognition).

    i remember back when i first started looking into what the world was all about and got into reading about quantum physics, consciousness etc... it seemed to free me but now it has entrapped me.

    i have had dreams in the past where in the dream characters in the dream tell me that i am dead. i have recurring dreams where i am living in different multiple apartments that i have lived in before and places i haven't been yet. like i am being bounced around in time and space.

    science and quantum physics tells us that everything is just energy vibrating...and that it is all just atoms, protons electrons spinning around. nothing is actually solid but only apears to be.

    i often wonder if i got so lost in the mess of my life that i ended it somehow...but erased my memory of killing myself and woke up in a paralell universe where i am the only one who knows i am dead and that everyone is just playing a role and pretending it is real.

    i often wonder when i am talking to people and looking around me if that person or that tree is real or am i just dreaming it.

    it is making me go crazy.

    i have done a lot of good things in my life but i have also done some things i am not proud of. my dreams are always punishing me to make me hate myself more and more each day.

    i have cut myself off from everyone except my family and i don't go out or engage in anything that may be enjoyable because i feel i am not allowed to.

    it's like i am being watched all the time from behind the scenes and they have a check board of all the things i have done wrong and use them against me in my dreams. and when i am out walking i have this constant dialog going on back and forth i my head. it never stops.

    i have been seeing a counselor for a while. but often wonder if she is real or if she is in on it to.

    weird thing happen. like i went to canadian tire to pick out the rope i was going to hang myself with and bought it. about as month later my dad said he had a dream he was in canadian tire looing to buy rope...the experience he described in the dream was exactly what i was going through.

    it's a really frightening way to live and when i wake up each day (if that is what i am actually doing) i get more and more frustrated.

    i am going crazy.
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Welcome, darcy. Just wanted to welcome you to the forums. Hope you stay safe, and take good care....Alex
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome to the forums darcy, I use to have seveere dreams that seemed so real..So I told my pdoc about them and she prescribed an antidepressant that makes you tired,I still have broken sleep but I don't have quite as many dreams.. I won't go into detail but they use to scare the hell out of me..
     
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