sitting again looking for some reason to stop myself from cutting, i find out that i don´t do this for attention, at least not now. my boyfriend is completing ignoring my scars, he has seen them but he doesn´t mention the subjet anymore, i really don´t know if he does´t care about what am i feeling anymore, or if he´s tired of it, or if he is igniring them because he wants to know if i will stop doing it if he doesn´t mention them anymore. the fact:i feel more free if he´s not behind my back, and i´m hurting myself more than before, because there´s no one to hide scars from. so i feel better when i do it, and it´s more satisfaying for me . god !!! i even bought surgery blades, that let me cut easier and faster. i knwo if i still in this rithm i´ll kill myself faster that i tought. and i know i won´t be able to stop myself, to go away from this feeling of emptiness. this is something from liking park i felt so near of me "Half the words don't mean a thing, And I know that I won't be satisfied" and i think is this the way i feel since i´ve started almost 4 years ago.