is one person enough reason to stay??

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rand, Jan 9, 2008.

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  1. Rand

    Rand Active Member

    OK. Well i passed my date. I set a date to finally leave, but i passed it. The only thoughts i had on that day were of the one friend who doesnt seem to give up.

    Everything was set and ready, planned out and calculated even. But i could only think of her and the things she told me. She knew something was wrong but she wasnt 100%.

    I confessed everything to her tonight. It was incredibly hard, i dont even know why i did it. I've been pushing her away so hard but its no use. I could see her eyes watering as i told her and it tore me apart. I'm not supposed to be causing any pain to anyone.

    Since passing my date i've been terrified, i fell as if i shouldnt have passed it and that i shouldnt be here. I've no idea what i'm still doing here, completely no direction whereas i was sure of everything before that date.

    Here's the burning question though...

    Is that one person enough to stay? I dont feel it is, but controversially i've no idea why i'm still here. I'm completely scared.
     
  2. SickOfLife

    SickOfLife Active Member

    Hell yeah

    You're still here, and you passed the date. You have been given the chance to live again lol.

    Maybe subconsciously you couldn't do the deed because of this woman in your life, even though you feel she's not enough to carry on. If she made you pass your date, she's enough to carry on with life.

    You're lucky because you have someone to support you in your time of need.
     
  3. Rand

    Rand Active Member

    Re: Hell yeah

    Yeah i'm def lucky to have her as a friend.

    Unfortunately all that goes through my head is that, if i leave then i'm only gonna hurt her once more. If i stay i'll end up hurting her much more than that as i try to find reason to live.

    I still want to go, end the suffering. Its hard to see why one person is willing to put up with me while i try to survive this journey.

    Does that make sense? Has that happened to you?
     
  4. SickOfLife

    SickOfLife Active Member

    The explanation seems to be that she cares for you.

    I have people that care for me as well, so despite absolutely hating life, I have to carry on so that I don't hurt them, and make the people that hate me happy.

    If it's enough for you to keep living, then hold on to it
     
  5. Steve-o

    Steve-o New Member

    it only takes 1 person to keep you living, that is you, any more people over that is just a bonus, try hard to let her be your huge reason and since she means so much to you subconciously, it could be love, dont scare her too much, she will be hurt if you do leave because she will feel asif she has failed a friend, if you stay and tell her that she is the reason you did, she will feel special and in my opinion much happier..

    live long and strong
     
  6. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    To me i think it is a reason to live, and she wants to help you give her that chance to help you hun, i know its hard and if u wanna talk pm anytime :hug:
     
  7. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    yay! congrats on passing the date!

    on a more serious note though, i think this 1 person is more than enough for you to stick around.

    she is obviously sticking by you so i dont think she feels hurt by what you have said or done. if anything, i guessing she is worried and wants to help. im sure you may do things that you think hurt her and even if you do, im sure she will forgive you. i think she will be hurt more if you kill yourself after getting so close and personal with her (if that makes any sense).

    you say "i've no idea why i'm still here", i think thats understandable but still shouldnt give you a reason to do anything stupid.
     
  8. NicoleS

    NicoleS Member

    Re: Hell yeah

    On another forum that I belong to I had posted that I felt that my suicide would be one final hurt and then I wouldnt be able to hurt them anymore. But I got a reply from a member who lost her Mom to suicide years ago and she said the pain just doesnt go away. Its a life long battle of pain and emptiness. So told me that it is a pain that never ever goes away. So I know how tempting it can be to think that this is the final hurt inflicted on the person, the fact is that it is a life time of pain and suffering.

    Before you start yelling at me for trying to be chipper, please know that I am in the same boat and thinking the same thing.

    I hadnt realized how traumatic suicide could be to loved ones. It is a long life battle of hurt and unasnwered questions, and most likely quilt that they feel that they couldnt help you, or only if they had done more.

    There is no magick answer. Please try to remember that depression has a terrible way of telling you lies and tricking you into thinking things that arent true, (like it will be on last hurt and then they wont hurt anymore.

    I am not trying to blow sunshine up your ass. Just hoping to give you a different perspective that you could take time to think about.
     
  9. SkyHigh

    SkyHigh Guest

    I passed my date too, I'm also still here because before the set date my sister told me how she would feel if I were to die. I can't remember how we got to that subject but I started feeling guilty for making my decision. I've been talking to this other person who attempted to take his life. He does not encourage me to take my life but he tells me not to tell anyone just in case I really do go on with my plan. I told him I wouldn't dare tell because that would be a double shock for when I tell them and when I really do end my life. Things are getting worse, I feel like I'm being mean by living. I've lost interest in everything, my school grades are falling and this is the year of making the 'BIG' decisions of what I want to do when I leave school. I feel like I should have ended it on that day. I only have a scar on my wrist. I tried, but the knife wasn't sharp enough. I know I could have just stabed into my wrist but I think I was afraid of the pain and the possibility of survival from the method. I'm thinking about hanging now, things are getting worse and I've stopped feeling guilt. I don't want to cause my mum any more trouble and I know my sister would continue her life just fine because she has big dreams.
     
  10. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    I can relate to that. Even if it's just one person, then thats more then enough of a reason to go on. It only takes one person to make a difference.
    This person obviously care's a huge amount about you, to the point and beyond that she would never give up on you.
    How many people can genuinely say they have someone in their life who would never ever give up on them.....Not many can say that.
     
  11. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    Ofcourse. sometimes all we need is ONE person to listen, to care, to give a shit, and to save our life in the process. We all need that one special person :)
     
  12. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    One person is way more than enough reason =]
     
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