When no one cares. (and no, I do not want ANYONE to say they care, because that's not what this post is about, and it would be fake anyway, I guess I actually just want someone to hear how truly alone I feel and how hard life is right now). So you're probably thinking 'oh, an emo', but I really feel like no one cares (talking about those in 'real life'-professionals and family- and those who I thought were 'friends' on the web-I have no friends in 'real life'). Yes, I can see that my parents care on a very basic level, they let me live here and stuff. Right now, I'm physically pretty ill. I am severely, severely anaemic. My level is 5.8 (it should be over 11.5, anything under 7 they transfuse, anything under 5 can kill you). This is down to an unknown cause, although, as I have told the docs, I think it is due to an undiagnosed bowel condition because I've been having all sorts of problems. Now, I asked for the blood test, because despite doctors acknowledging I am very pale, no one would test me. Had the test, results came back, the doctor said if he was doing his job probably he would admit me but he knows I don't want that (h told me that, I didn't have a say). And that was it. No talk about finding what is wrong with me, no talk about finding other ways to lift my levels (I can't take the iron tablets due to being completely phobic about being sick and the iron tablets always upset my stomach). No actually giving a fuck. My mum knew I had had the blood test, yet she didn't bother to ask about the results. This is just one tiny part, and just the most recent that is yet again cementing that no one gives a flying fuck. I've always tried to be a good person, tried to help others, tried to just be the best person I could, but whatever I do it won't actually change the inner worthlessness that is inside, the inner evil, the inner scum, the inner nasties. I guess really I just feel like I am completely alone here. I am completely alone and having to fight for my life, by myself (yet in the past when I have failed at suicide suddenly people do pretend to care). I'm getting more bitter, and more twisted and more angry. I'm just so painfully alone.