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Is suicide selfish?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by 13acresofhell, Feb 24, 2008.

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  1. 13acresofhell

    13acresofhell Member

    Or are the people who know you selfish for demanding that you continue your miserable life because they would be inconvenienced if you died? I know many people who would be saddened by my death, but they don’t know anything about what I’ve been through or why I'd do it. Why should I live to keep them happy? The people who would be saddened are the only reason why I haven’t done it yet. But, it's my choice after all, to hell with them if they don’t understand that.
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    I guess it's all about perspective. I know depression has distorted my thinking to the point that I have thought the same as you... I said "they'd be sad, but this is the only thing I can do to make the pain stop" ... fact is, your death will be more than an inconvenience to them. Do not feel guilty about it, but the simple fact is that your death will leave a gap that can never be filled. You are still gonna make your own decisions, but even if they don't know your full story or why you want to die, you will most def. be missed.

    Ultimately, I agree, it's your choice. I hope you find reasons to live that come from within. You write that your life is miserable... but it does not have to be this way always. You *can* get through this, and with love and support you will want to live again.

  3. almosteasy

    almosteasy Well-Known Member

    To properly answer that question an essay would have to be written so I will keep it short and give real life selfish and unselfish examples.

    SELFISH(and crazy!): You kill your 7 year old son, wife and then hang yourself

    UNSELFISH: You kill yourself before being sentenced for a charge. Because of a technicality, this preserves your huge pension from the government. Which lets your wife and children life comfortably.
  4. perry_mason

    perry_mason Well-Known Member

    i feel like im in the same situation and i have always thought that people should support any decision you make.

    if people claim to be your friend, and you wanted to die and was fully at peace with the idea of it, your friends should support you in this no matter what they thought because in the end, they would know that you would be happy
  5. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    The single act of suicide is not selfish at all. the idiots who murder other people before themselves are selfish! And people who dont support suicide or tell yu everything will be ok, are selfish.
    Suicide isnt selfish. period.
  6. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I would like to believe in this. But im not sure that i can. I know this, you know this, and everyone who is in a similar situation like us, know this. But, happy people can not understand us. Yea, its true that ill find my happines only if i die. I have mentioned this in my earlier posts. And i think, maybe, after ill be gone, maybe after a couple of years, friends and family will understand that it was the only way, it was the only exit from my pain and sorrow, and that i finally find my peace. But, if i told them: "Hey guys, i want to tell you a wonderfull news. Im going to kill my self because i can find my happiness only if i die. So, good bye, have a nice life, and dont worry, ill be happy there", do you think they will understand me and let me die? Nooo.... They just cant imagine how i really feel inside, and they cannot understand me. ive tryed to tell a friend a part of my pain and sorrow. And, he always says, it will be better, wait....or some things like this. And he cant understand my depresion completely, because he is a happy guy, he can have anything he wants. And, i havent told him that ill commit a suicide, althought, he might suspect about my plans, but i can tell him so directly, i just cant do that. I dont know how will he react.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 24, 2008
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    in my opinion, suicide isn't "selfish", it's just that the suicidal person is so wrapped up their own misery and depression that they can't see outside the blackness and hopelessness. I have suicidal thoughts often, when I'm really depessed. Sometimes I even think of suicide as a way to "get back at" certain people who I feel are against me. (when I'm thinking clearly I realize that they're not really against me) So no, I don't really think suicide is selfish but is the last choice of a really desperate person.

    I did, however, promise my oldest daughter many years ago that I would not kill myself as that would put HER into a bad depression and loss. So I just keep on going, no matter what, and so far, since I"m still here, it's working.

    just my opinion...
  8. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i guess i have a different position than many who have posted; i believe that wanting to die is a symptom of depression (or maybe some other mental illness). it's not that i don't understand the despair, i've attempted 3 times in my life, so i've def. been at the absolute bottom of that pit of loneliness and despair. but, since i believe desiring suicide is a symptom, and because it's a choice that does not tempt me when my life is in balance, i also believe that we all can heal and be whole again.

    because i believe this, i don't think my friends should support me no matter what. it would be like if i went to them with a broken leg and said, "okay, my leg hurts, more than you can imagine, and this pain is too f--ing much, i'm going to kill myself." i'd want them to say "hey, let's get you to the emergency room and get that leg x-rayed. maybe you need a splint, or a cast, and some painkillers, some healing and then some physiotherapy..."

    that's what i would want a friend to do if i had a broken leg. as it happens, i have a broken spirit right now...

  9. Daze&Confused

    Daze&Confused Antiquitie's Friend

    Suicide can be considered selfish, but as most of the world is filled with greedy,selfish,hate filled buggers, i don't feel guilty about being alittle selfish.

    If you were a horse , i'd have to shoot you.:tongue:

    Catherine hope your leg feels better.
  10. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    cracking me up! thank goodness i'm not a horse!

  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    simple answer, no i dont think its selfish!
  12. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    I think it depends on the situation. I think you should only REALLY consider it if you have exhausted the other options (medication and counseling, that sort of thing). But if you've tried all those things and it hasn't had a good effect then I don't see how it is being selfish. I think it is more selfish of others who try to pressure you and guilt trip you into staying.
  13. SweetSurrender

    SweetSurrender Well-Known Member

    I agree with dazzle :smile:

    I think suicidal thoughts are a symptom of the depression, relieve the depression and the suicidal thoughts will go. Of course writing it like that it seems very easy and as though i'm just minimsing the pain many people are in - i do not mean to do that but the above is the simple truth. Therefore i don't believe that suicide can be thought of in selfish or unselfish terms, it is simply a symptom of a mental illness. Can an informed choice really be made if a person is suffering from a mental illness? Not in my opinion, those that do commit suicide are suffering deeply from their mental affliction that i very much doubt logical thoughts such as selfishness comes into it.

    If this question is stopping you personally from committing suicide then i think you still have a choice, you can get better. You have something to hold onto - your family and friends. Prehaps put it in a different light, if you're thinking about the hurt that would be caused if you committed suicide, prehaps you can rotate the perspective to realise that there are so many people out there who love and support you. Have you tried talking to them about how you are feeling? Have you sought medical help? Because (i'll repeat) suicidal thoughts are a symptom of a mental illness called clinical depression. This illness can be treated and it has a high treatment success rate in those that have sought help. Please do.
  14. klodo

    klodo Well-Known Member

    It says a lot for the stigma surrounding suicide that people committing it are often looked upon in the same way as murderers. They are cowards or evil.Yet in many ways killing oneself is not only the most selfless act imaginable but also one of the bravest.

    I read about a man who killed himself as his wife had died of cancer and he could not cope and yet he still had two children to bring up. He was attacked quite harshly for being selfish and taking the easy way out yet people who knew him when times were good knew a totally different man and good friend.Anything is possible when the mental pain,grief and fatigue becomes too much. It does not make someone bad and if any god( if such a god exists) would condemn such a person then this god is not fit enough to lick my boots!
  15. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    yeah, among the uninformed there's alot of misconceptions about ppl who kill themselves. but i wouldn't count us here as uninformed.

    my good friend j--- killed himself a few years ago. i am not mad at him, i don't condemn him, and it never occured to me that he was acting selfishly.

    i'm just incredibly sad that he left this world believing himself unloved, unworthy, and in so much pain. i'd give anythign to be able to go back in time and let him know how much he meant to me. the fact that i'm an artist today is entirely due to his love and support. he changed *my* life for the better, but i doubt he ever knew it.

  16. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    No coment. Ill only say its true, nothing else.
  17. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    The word selfish....is just a word. We bring meaning to words cause thats our biggest attribute in order to communicate. What does selfish mean when say, you have a dog. Does a dog know he is being selfish. It's just a word. The question is not whether you or anybody is selfish if you choose to end your life.

    The question should be what will i do to improve myself is ANY way possible. The littleist thing to get you thru the day. Thats all you need...
  18. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Insisting someone in horrible pain stays alive just so that your conscience doesn't hurt is also selfish. In the end it's up to the sufferer to decide when his own pain outweighs the pain he may cause others.
    I think by saying you are selfish you are trying to convince yourself you are a bad person so that you find it easier to kill yourself.
    You acquiesce your eventual death will cause pain to your loved ones and you regret that deeply. That's the opposite of selfish.
  19. touglytobeloved

    touglytobeloved Well-Known Member

    I agree with this. You know about your pain, they dont.
  20. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    I believe it is selfish in a sense but whether or not you do it is still your decision to make. Like kahlann said, You're causing your loved ones pain to end your own. You know exactly what you are doing, who it will affect and what the consequences will be but at the same time, people cannot live on others' love alone and I believe that is where the line becomes a little blurred. I think it is selfish but not necessarily wrong or right, no more wrong or right than someone's fondness of the color green or the taste of onion rings.

    You're basically saying "Well, I've had about all I can take and I refuse to take any more. So, see you guys later." So I think what it boils down to is what would you prefer, your suffering or your loved ones' suffering. It's a pretty vast topic as there are so many different scenarios and circumstances surrounding the motive for suicide. You can't really just slap 'selfish' on the act and call it done, not unless everyone had the exact same reason for feeling suicidal and the same people supporting/oppressing them.

    But personally, and you can take this any way you like, I would not support the decision. I can't give a clear cut reason as to why, maybe it's just the basic instinct to survive, but I cannot see myself supporting someone's decision to kill themselves and then after the act has been done, patting myself on the back saying "You did the right thing."
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