Is suicide the only escape from my pain?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rippingheartout, Sep 25, 2010.

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  1. (English isn't my first language, so I am sorry if it's difficult to understand me).
    Well, I am having a problem what everyone had, it's just some of us are much stronger some of much weaker and I am much weaker, that's why I need somebody to give his/hers hand.

    I am 17 years old boy and I am in love with a girl, but she dumped me some days ago, she even didn't say anything. She's totally ignoring me, but I can't live without her.
    Before she filled my heart with love, now there's only a strong acid in my heart, burning it deeply, which is very painless.
    She wasn't just like a random girl, I mean it... You may think that I am weird, but before I went to sleep (in my younger age 13-16) I kept dreaming of a girl, well I got picked on school, so I really hoped that I'll have a very beautiful and a romantic girlfriend, which happened.. She looked like even similar to the girl in my dreams.
    I often think about her, everywhere where I look , everything reminds me her.
    I don't wanna be without her, but she's totally ignoring me.. I see her in my dreams, every night, she's looking at me and laughing, but it always wakes me up and my heart fills with anger again and depression..
    I don't even know what exactly happened, I wish there was a reason, I mean before she loved me so much, she was so romantic to me and I was so happy with her.
    I've thought about suicides before I met her often, because I got picked in school, but I always kept my head up , no matter what, but now I am beaten down, I can't..
    Why am I crawling ? Why acid is burning my heart into pieces and very slowly ?
    I can't take this anymore ! What do I have to do ? At least I wanna sleep normal.
    I've tried to listen to the relaxing music before I go to sleep, I can go to sleep well that way, I fall asleep like a baby, but then at the middle of the night I see dreams of her and nothing helps..
    Please help me, I get so angry that I start to shake and I feel like I wanna die.
    Look, the pain is moving faster than the light, so I can't run from it by other ways..

    When I've been depressed (well, I've never been that mad and depressed) I've asked help from Yahoo!Answers.. I usually get answers like : "Take a tampon out and grow balls" or , "u cnt even spell"... and when I email to them that English isn't my first language, then they tell: "idc, i live in usa"..
    So I hope people like in here aren't like that and the pain I described.. well, it's actually much worse, it's just there are no words to describe.

    What do I have to do? Please help me? I don't have even any friends.. She was the closest thing I ever had and I cared for her so much, I wanted to make her the happiest life being ever, but instead of it she's poisoning my heart. I can't take this pain anymore!
    I know it takes time , but is there any chance that I couldn't feel that pain anymore that much ?

    * Every time when I hear a word love or read something about love (which I have to do for the school) or see people holding their hands, kissing /hugging each others.. It hurts me now, I don't know why though .. but I really gave my best to make her happy.
    Please help me. Thank you.
  2. fallingangie

    fallingangie Well-Known Member

    English isnt my first language either... I understand..dont worry about that. As for the girl...i think you should talk to her politely..try to make her understand what she is missing out in life..i mean finding someone who loves you this much aint easy. If she still ignores you.. then you have no other choice but to move on. But hey, that aint no reason for giving up on life and going crazy. Maybe she looks like the girl of your dream.. but the real one is waiting out there for you.. and thats why this relationship is not working out well .Think of it that way.

    You are only 17.. you have got so many things ahead of you and you will meet a lot of new people in the future. Be positive.. dont hold on to one thing. My theory... never invest too much emotions into one thing
  3. Thanks for replying me, but some people are alone at the end of their lives.
    It's not that I have to be together with someone, like teens are. It's just I love her so much.
    I told her honestly how I feel, always.. She picked on me on her myspace mood and when I wrote to her she signed out :( This is so painless.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Loosing a loved one is always tough.. The only thing you can do is give it time.. I'm glad to hear you are angry.. That is the second step to healing your heart..Alot of people get hung up on the greiving stage.. Keep your eyes open your next love is out there and she will come into your life..Be patient..
  5. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    Yeah usually when you least expect it.
  6. Thank you all.
    It's good to talk with intelligent people, not like other sites. Thank you.
    I guess I give my best to move on.
  7. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    Don't worry about what those people say to you over the internet. They're trolls.
  8. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    You are only 17. You have decades of life ahead of you. There will be other girls in the future.

    Besides, it's the girls that cares about you that you should go for. Just be nice to ALL the other girls that you come across in your life. One day, maybe one of them will care for you.
  9. It's hard to go on without her.
    Well, at least now I know how it feels and it makes me more understanding..
    I bet there are other romantic, kind, beautiful girls out there or am I wrong?
  10. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    You are quite right. Every girl in the world is romantic, kind and beautiful, though in their own way. All you have to do is find the one that is like that, the way you want them to be.

    I myself lost my girlfriend 3 weeks ago tomorrow. She was also the love of my life, everything I wanted, and honestly, I'm amazed I'm still here. I just wanted to let go, so bad. Then I read a Facebook status she posted about me.

    "He's such a fucking **** you know. Depressive, and I can't handle a depressive. He's a good fuck, but that's all he's good for. He cries himself to sleep often, and often asks how I am, and it's just so fucking clingy. I want him to go away and die. He deserves it for being such a depressive."

    I looked at it, and smiled. I knew then that I could easily get over her, because anyone aggressive towards me like that, does not deserve my grievances. The more you become angry at her though, the easier it can become to forget. But, if you become increasingly angry, you could find yourself becoming dependant on that.

    Hang in there, as well as you can. You will find a new love. There is someone out there, who will love you. There is someone out there, for every one.
  11. pandamonium

    pandamonium Well-Known Member

    Thats horrible what she posted, but it sounds like you will be much better off without her. Good luck finding someone else who will love you no matter what.
  12. It's pretty sad to see, how people are playing with playing others people's feelings.
    I knew teens are like that, but I thought a person who's gonna be 18 soon and she knows herself, she knows what she wants.
    I love her a lot, but it's time to move on...
    They told time fixes scars, but it's painless, is there any way to make it less painless?
  13. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    I totally understand what you are saying ripping, I also take a long time to get over ex girlfriends. Anger is good. music is good. A favourits song of mine to help me get over ex's is the stone roses- I am the resurrection. Another good point to think about is that she left you because the REAL love of you life is coming. You WILL meet another lady. be patient and look after yourself. Stay strong, stay safe.
  14. Thanks, but it kinda ruined my mind... I mean when I think about killing her and hurting her it seems fun to me.. I laugh.. I mean when I can talk to someone how I'll kill her, it relaxes me and it makes me laugh, I didn't know that.
    It's kinda weird... Before I always thought that people shouldn't kill each others and so on, but now I do understand.
    I also can't sleep at nights, before I imagine how I kill her, really, I don't know why.
    At least it made me more understanding, now I understand why.
  15. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    you feel like that bexause she hurt you! she ripped your heart out. I felt the same, honestly. we were engaged, had bought a house together, I caught her sleeping with my friend. I DO understand. she left me shortly after. I met a lovely lady after her who made me very happy. I you love her let her go. Killing her or yourself is very bad. for both of you.
  16. If I killed myself, who would miss me ?
    It's just I am gone and that's it... Nobody would miss me, specially she..
    No, I'll throw acid into her face like she threw it into my heart. That would be good revenge..
    It's just.. I never even believed that I lose her... I cared for her so much and I gave my best to make her happy.. She changed over night..
  17. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    acid into her face!!!!!!!! seriously, she has the right to make her own choices in life ripping. the same as you do. you need to let her go. you need to move on. You WILL meet another girl. one who will not break you heart. Trust me. It happened to me. there are a lot of people who would miss you. I would for a start.
  18. I hope so:(
    I still can't believe that she did it.. I love her so much... :/
  19. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    people are like that ripping, trust me. i'm 40 years old. I have seen a lot of life, met a lot of horrible people. you need to put her somewhere in your mind and move on. Don't let this girl who broke your heart ruin the rest of your life. you are still young, don't be bitter, it will turn your heart black. give yourself some time with friends, go out and have a laugh and enjoy yourself. honestly time is a healer. look after you and move on.
  20. You're much older than me and more experienced .. Could you at least tell me if you believe in karma?
    I don't know.. She's probably having fun with her friends.. Yesterday a guy saw her with other boys.. but it all comes back to her, that what she did to me?
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