I never feel happy, or sad, i never feel anything other than occasional anger. It has been like this for years. A few months ago i thought me turning out like this was due to my family members so came up with a plan to get rid of them. The only thing that really stopped me from going through with my plan was drugs. They made it less troublesome to cope with constant emptiness but as time passes coping with the absence of emotions becomes harder, and so does the rate at which it becomes hard. Drugs have only slowed down the rate at which things are getting worse but ultimately I think i will give up, soon i will no longer be able to cope. I will be very surprised if i'm still alive by the time i'm 18. Am i depressed? I've heard depressed people constantly feel sad, guilty and have trouble sleeping, i don't exhibit any of these symptoms. I don't think there is a solution to my situation because when i look back at my life its always been like this. I've had my moments of excitement in the past but those were very short lived. I still spent the day feeling empty but years ago it didn't bother me as much as it does now. I have not discussed this with a therapist because i know nothing can be done about this and seeing one would just worsen the current situation if i told them about the suicide thoughts. If i am depressed then at best all they can do is give me antidepressants,but seen as i'm not 18 yet they can't. Also the aim of antidepressants is to raise serotonin levels, i have taken 5-htp and it didn't work and i know depression is a symptom of low serotonin levels but i don't seem to be experiencing any other symptoms associated with it so i doubt low serotonin levels is the cause of this. If i am not depressed then nothing can be done cause its been like this for years and no it has nothing to do with my family. I know i said i planned on getting rid of them but after i decided not to and re-analyzed my past its pretty clear they are not the source of my issues. I have had years to look through my past so the conclusions that a therapist comes up with would probably be similar to my conclusions. Suicide has seemed like the best option for years, are there any other options?