I have survived many attempts over a few years. I lost it all. Lost my family, no they didn't die, but they were lost me. Got some of it back. Got my kids. I had life on track. Then lost it all again. I am having a lot of trouble keeping my mind right. I need to keep my mind right if I'm gonna succeed. My mind is my own worst enemy. I'm getting help from pastors, meds, and a counselor. Often feels like more pain than I can bear. Sometimes I just want the pain to end. Some tell me the pain is good. Motivates you to get right. This pain isn't good. Feel worthless, a complete failure raising my kids. I have my kids in three places right now because I couldn't handle raising flour kids alone. Without kids I had nothing left. All gone. I want them all back. But sometimes that feels impossible and I loose hope. Already lost faith, not much hope left. But I'm trying to hope.