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Is that what its gonna take?

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I need to vent about this because it hurts too much and I’ve put this here because I don’t want this under my name for personal reasons.

I care so much. More than anyone could ever realise. More than I can admit to myself. Its so hard to watch you in pain and not be able to physically take it away. If I could take your pain for you, meaning I would live the rest of my life in pain if it made you happy then I would. I would die if it meant you had one second on true happiness. Would die if you asked me to. It hurts so much that you want to do this to yourself.

It would kill me if anything happened to you, if you was to die then I couldn’t take it. I literally couldn’t take it. I know I couldn’t. If you was to die I would have to die as well because the pain would be too much. You tell me that this is all a waste. That I’m wasting things on you. That’s not true. Your worth it all. Trying to save your life is saving my own in the process. You want me to give up on you, well I can’t and I never will. Just like you wouldn’t give up on me. Don’t turn around and say that’s a different situation because its not no matter how much you think it is. I care about you and will do anything in my power to stop this happening. Even if it means being their physically.

What’s it gonna take? You want me to go first? Make it easier for you. If you do this then I get hurt, why not save myself the hurt for once in my life and just get it over and done with for you. Is that what its gonna take? If you do this then I’m dead either way. That way I don’t get hurt and you can blame it all on me. That what you want? Say the word and it can be done. Just one little word.

You say you care, why you wanna hurt me and other people like that? Don’t even think ‘I shouldn’t talk to you anymore because its only upsetting you’ Its not you upsetting me, it’s the situation and the fact that I can’t do anything to take your pain away. You say thank you to me, I don’t need thanking because in my eye I haven’t done anything, if any thing I’m failing. Failing you and failing everyone else including myself. The last thing I want you to do is stop talking to me like you have been doing. When I say ‘don’t talk like that’ I don’t mean literally, I say that because it hurts so much and I don’t know what I can say to make it all seem better. I want you to talk to me, I need you to talk to me. I can’t lose you. I just can’t.

I wish I could take this all away. I wish. I wish. How many time have I not done something silly for you, even did it tonight. You begged me not to do anything and I never. That not show I care? I wish you could see. You say your better off dead. In my eyes your not and I’m never gonna agree with that. NEVER. I just couldn’t take it if anything. I just couldn’t.

Please remember how much i care. You know how much. Your not gonna change how i feel by saying you deserve as of this.

Love you :hug:
Forgot to add,

I'm glad you opened up. I really am. As much as it hurts too see you in pain I'm glad you did even if your not. I wanted you to. Don't stop that okay? As much as it hurts to see you in pain i need you to talk to me. You don't need to learn to shut up or whatever. If anything you need to open up more not keep it all in. You don't need to get why i are for you so much, just know i do. I'm here anytime okay?

ps. sorry for my bad spelling and all in the first post, i suck i know lol
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