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Is there a chance I can be as socially successful as James Durbin?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by Ldub20, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    This is James Durbin.
    He's also got a sense of belonging that is his band. A GF and Sense of Belonging are things I hope to achieve but seem elusive even when I work hard to achieve them!
  2. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Social skills are something we all need to "learn and then practice" if we are to be good at them. You could try just being yourself and not comparing yourself to others as a starting point. Especially not to people from the media. They get more attention because of their "role" in society, but it doesn't make them better or more acceptable as human beings. What do you think is holding you back from being more social? What are you trying these days in order to become more social? What things do you enjoy and where do you go to them? (I'm asking seriously, because I'd like to know you better.)

    As for the editing your post...You have, I think, 30 mins after the original post to get back in and edit it. After that, if you need an edit, you can request a Mod to make the change via an LTM.
  4. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for replying Acy. You know why I am comparing myself to James Durbin? Because he and I share a vital similarity. We both struggle with Asperger's. Recently, living with it has made me want to kill myself, but people like him make it all seem possible. James Durbin is somebody who provides a message that Aspies can do what they (or others) felt they couldn't do. If being myself means living with an inability to attract girls, dying would be easier. Despite having Asperger's, he found a way to attract a lady that became his WIFE! If he can do it, why can't I?
  5. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, Dubby. I googled "Asperger's, relationships, success stories" and found a few things you might want to look at/buy as resources.

    The Asperger Love Guide - book - http://www.uk.sagepub.com/books/Book228423

    'Aimed primarily at individuals with Asperger syndrome, this very readable book is in fact of use to a much wider audience. The issues are discussed openly and logically and the advice given is both sympathetic and very matter of fact... The book breaks down the social, emotional and practical aspects of relationships so usefully that it is a good resource for teachers and others working with neurotypical individuals. Infact the book so sensibly discusses pitfalls, strategies and individual responsibilities that it would be valuable reading for teenagers generally as well as for individuals with Asperger syndrome' - British Journal of Special Education

    The chapters cover: ​

    o building self-esteem;
    o the best places to meet potential partners;
    o dating;
    o maintaining relationships.

    Life With Aspergers - a blog site - has several articles about social interactions http://life-with-aspergers.blogspot.com/p/series-articles.html

    Aspergers in Love - a newspaper article about a success story http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/3354140/Love-and-Aspergers-syndrome.html

    Dubby, I understand that Aspies often have some specific challenges with identifying and using the social cues and skills that many of the rest of us take for granted. These cues and skills are learnable - these books/articles might help you. Sometimes we have to understand ourselves and how we "work" before we can deal with others. I think that with time and patience, you have an opportunity to gain the skills and achieve the success you want. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat, vent, or whatever. I wish you all the best. :hug: