Is there a heaven for me, or am i lost

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by kindred374, Mar 13, 2014.

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  1. kindred374

    kindred374 New Member

    Hi I really dont do this type of thing, but i thought it would be good to at least spill my feeling and story, just in case i trully decide to do what , well here go9es. I turn 40 tommorow and to be honest i havnet done nothing of great importace with my life, or to say i dont have anything important worth to continue on withl. I have 25% paralize due to a tumor in my back crushing my spinal cord and will be fully paralayed from the waist downsoon, Pain i a dialy friendemey of mine. I am on alot of pain meds just to be at the edge of pain agian. my wife has seemed to disconect from me and or marraige is in limbo, i love her but she shows no emotions back, and the sex life, lol. my two sons say 2 words to me a day hi and no. and all i do is sit in a chiar all day on the pc trying to find a reason to continue. so far none and dont say my kids need me. so i ask is there a heaven for me.
     
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Welcome to SF Kindred

    I'm sure there must be a Heaven for you - it is sad your wife & children don't know what to say to you; I suppose they ignore you as they find it an easier option than try to talk to you

    But back to your original question Kindred: Yes I am sure there is a heaven for you

    tc Kindred

    :freehug:
     
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi. I think there is a heaven for everyone. although I think it is different than what most others think. I think there is heaven on earth. And heaven on the other side. Or the opposite. But they are not punishments or a place someone is sent to. In some ways perhaps they stem from a state of mind. Even on the other side.

    I am so sorry to read about your physical condition. Kids can be so strange when going through individuation stages. They do barely communicate with parents. So perhaps some of that is applicable in your case. Where it is not about you,but rather that all too long stage they go through where they are literally non communicative with parental figures. I have also read grandparents upset about feeling they have lost connection with their grandchildren during these stages. It hurts.

    BUT the kids DO need their parents. I think this individuation process is not the easiest time for the kids. Please try to not mistake their distance as apathy or lack of love. Losing a parent... espcially to suicide is a tramua that lives on forever.

    I do not know what country you live in. But I am wondering if there is some support services that can be provided for you. People who can come to the home. Have you checked this out at all? Some kind of support. To help you deal with all this. AND so you will not feel so alone in it.

    I am REALLY sorry you are going through this. I will tell you that this community is great, as far as I am concerned. I am glad you found us. I hope you will continue to post. Talking about how you are doing, and feeling. And posting in other ways as well. So many places to post. Your voice is heard here. and you are not alone when you are here
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, I must agree with flowers,kids DO need their parents. And are you aware that if a parent commits suicide the child/teen is 10x more likely to do it. I am not trying to guilt trip, just stating facts. You need help and you have come to the right place for peer to peer support but I also think you need professional help. This forum is not a substitute for professional help. Reach out there, cos no matter where you live there is help and support.
     
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