Is there a light???

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by butterflies32, Aug 18, 2008.

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  1. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    I am scared. I gave up a few weeks ago wit my ED allowing it to win. Now I want to fight it but it is so strong. I am not sure if this will ever get posted coz don't know if I will hit the submit button.

    Recently I have been really struggling. I have my very first appointment to do with ED on wed and I don't know what to say to her. I have food talking to me and I am so gross and distugusting that she will prob not ever want to be in the same room or look at me. I do not seem to be losing weight (though don't weigh self as no scales :( ) but seem to be getting bigger it doesn't matter how little I eat in a day. the weight doesn't move.

    I don't want to give up my friend. it is my saftey net something I can hide behind and yet I really want to get better and say so there to this illness and never let it take over again. I am scaed though. I am not worthy enough of any help I am not good enough to be able to fight it. I want the strength to fight it so badly though...but I don't know where to get it from.

    I sdon't know what to say other than how did I manage to get into this mess and how do I get out of it?

    Sorry I just needed to let this all out.

    You don't have to reply.

  2. tintin

    tintin Guest

    awww hun :hug: you are worthy of help i promise you that :) you don't have to fight this on your own we are all behind you big hugs becca
  3. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    Everything you're saying sounds so much like what everyone else goes through as well. The absolute hardest part is realizing that you need to give it up, but at the same time not feeling like you're strong enough to give it up yet. It definitely sounds like you're strong enough to me. Yeah, it's scary and it will be tough, but don't let it get the best of you. You control it, so don't let it control you. You can fight it.
  4. purplefizz

    purplefizz Senior Member

    You can fight it if you really want to beat this, and even if you aren't sure if you want to fight. Your eating disorder is not your friend, it LIES. Eating disorders are all about LIES, because you are not fat, not worthless, and you do deserve to eat. Just imagine being free of these demons. Think of how happy you'd feel, and how great it would be to be comfortable with food. It's not just a fantasy. I suggest you read some books on recovery, esp. true stories. Maybe try reading "Life Without Ed" ? Do not read "Wasted". It is extremely triggering.

    If you want to talk, I'm here. I'm struggling with my ED too, but I gave up recovery. I'm hoping I'll find motivation to work at it again because I'm totally miserable like this.
  5. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Hey sam, I know its really hard, i've denied it for so long, the first appointment seems scary, but these people know what they are doing, lol, not that it always seems like it, but thats because its all messed up in your head because you listened to your ED. But they make you feel comfortable talking about it, ofcourse the first appointments are really hard, but every time you will tell a little more. Reading this I believe you can do it, but I cant say it will be easy. Just wishing you lots of luck.
    I allowed my ED to win so many times, but yet now I dont have it any more. It is strong, but if you keep on fighting you can beat it. Like you and I think everyone with an ED I saw her as a friend. I was scared to live without her, she was always there for me. But now I feel so much better without her. Like purple said she lies, she let you believe things that arent true, she makes it harder, you cant call that a friend. But I know it feels safe. But there are better friends who make you feel safe, good about yourself, happy.
    Really Im so glad youre so motivated, I can see you really want this. That already makes you worthy to get help, that means youre good enough to fight. You already have the strenght to fight it, just dont assume it will go over in a week. Going to your appointments will help you to keep on going, they will be there for you when you fall down and you will fight it again and beat it.
    Take care :hug: I know you can do it
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