It must be horrible to have been let down and dissapointed so much to have had so much go wrong. I think some people (me included) get through some of it with things that are worth the effort. For me its my children. If i didnt have them i definately would not still be here. There has to be something in your life that outweighs all the bad stuff or at least makes it worthwile. If there isnt anything then we strive to find it. I see what your saying that you so strive to find it and each time it goes wrong or never happens. I think you should hang in there as long as possible and just keep doing things that you enjoy or at least get some pleasure out of i hope you can find something like that. I wish i had a magic answer but i dont. Im sure that you arent the only one who feels that way maybe they just arent wanting to say so.