is there a point

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Skuzz, Sep 26, 2014.

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  1. Skuzz

    Skuzz New Member

    I dont know where to start. im in my mid 20s i have a decent job, a new truck, and a new apartment, but it means nothing to me. No material does or money. My whole life all Ive ever tried to do is help people with their problems unfortunately i kept my problems to myself it made things alot easier but now I have issues opening up to people. I have a history of drug use which is how i solved my problems, by escaping them however its getting worse and they dont really help anymore. I dont understand how people can deal with the bs that life hands them while theres a way to escape it. Ive destroyed any relationship ive been in due to lying about my problems or my drug use. Not to mention im somewhat of a sociopath. When it comes to women I actually do listen and care, but I say all the things they want to hear or what I think they need to hear to get them to fall in love with me and im really good at it but it makes the relationship almost meaningless. Which is why i avoid dating because its not fair to them, but sometimes a relationship just kinda falls into my lap. I recently overdosed on painkillers, not intentionally! But it seems like thats the way I would go if I decided to do it. I cant be a drug addict and help people at the same time or i lose my friends and family. Im not happy at all and I have no energy left to give to change it, im alone and I cant take much more. I just wanna take the easy way out and skip all the bs life has in store for me. Ive been thinking about overdosing with a lethal dose since i overdosed and ruined my latest relationship/best friend. I even bought more pills so I could try but I just took enough to get high instead. Im known for my smile because all I do is smile well no one knows that Its a bad habit for me. I learned a long time ago if you smile people never ask whats wrong now I cant stop and all I do is smile. When i cant do drugs at work I daydream its the only thing thing that gets me by. I pretend my life is perfect. But its not and I know its uncertain but Im a gambler Ill take my chances on the afterlife being perfect

    My mind is all over the place I really need to vent this even if it doesnt make sensem since I dont have anyone to talk to about this. I dont know what anyone will get out of this.
     
  2. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Skuzz, Thank you for sharing your message. You've got so much going for you. A job, a truck, a home but these are materialistic and assets which not something which gives you an inner happiness which you crave for. I like that you imagine a utopian life and I want you to know that one day this life may become a reality. Please don't try to overdose on pills though. Keep posting here or speak to someone about how you're feeling. Keeping things inside can be so lonely and painful. I'm sure there's people on the outside who want to help as do the people here. Take care Skuzz. Husky.
     
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