Is there a point ?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by black_rose_13, Apr 12, 2007.

  1. Why do i have to wait

    and wait...
    ..and wait?

    for things to change. get better..change..anything?

    I just dont want it anymore. is that so bad? please tell me its okay for me to not carry on. please? then it'd be okay. please somebody tell me its okay.

    i never asked to be born
    i never ased to feel sad
    i never asked to be bullied
    i never asked to be suicidal
    i never asked to feel like i do.
    i never asked to act this way
    and i never asked to self harm.

    So, if i didnt ask for it, and it came to me anyway, i MUST deserve it.

    i must deserve this.

    I dont want to walk the earth, and wont.

    :cry: :depressed
  2. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I can't tell you it's ok to die because that would be going against what I have talked to you so much about.

    I believe that things won't be this bad forever, I do. There will be something that will help you. Think about the logic we talked about last night, if you have no fight left to live, how do you have the fight to die? Because it will be a fight, it won't be easy, and you could easily fail and end up very ill, or back in the psych hospital you hated.

    Do other people that are bullied deserve it? Does everyone who feels suicidal on this site deserve to feel suicidal? Does everyone else deserve to feel sad?

    No? So why does it apply to you? What makes you so different from everyone else in the whole world?

    You feel vile, and you can't see anything good in you. You know I can relate, and you also know I am here if you need a chat.

    Hang in there rose honey

    :poke: me if you need me :hug:
  3. of course noone else deserves it, everyone deserves to be okay scum x

    doesnt work like that for me. i dont think im different from everyone in the whole world, but its easier for me to think i deserve it .

    it wont be easy, no. but is anything?
  4. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    It can work like that for you. If you are not different, then surely it works the same for you as for everyone else (even if you refuse to acknowlegde that logic right now).

    I know it's easier to think you deserve it, because then it doesn't make it so wrong, or something that you have to fight. But I promise you, you did not deserve any of those things. You don't deserve this wretchedness, you deserve love, cuddles, fluffy bunnies :) , HAPPINESS.

    not to be bullied, suicidal, sad, or anything else that you feel.

    No, nothing is easy, but if youa re prepared to do something hard like try to die, why not first use that energy to try to get better. The option for suicide will still be there, but you might not see it as an option.
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun, you've been busy in chat this week supporting where needed, perhaps you need to take some time for yourself?
    Give some time to making you feel better, if you've hit rock bottom only way is up.
  6. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    You've walked the Earth long enough to get where you are today. You've overcomed many hard times in your life and there is still a little flame burning inside of you that keeps you holding on for tomorrow. Never let that flame die.
    ps, I love the poem.
  7. thanks for the replies. though i dont want to help myself, i want to help other people terry, but thanks anyway :)


    simple hiding.

    ill pretend to be okay

    and itll be fine.

    wont it?
  8. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    How do you intend to help people when you are dead?

    If you want to help people, surely you need to stay alive. Also, if you have some sort of crisis and end up ill, how will you help them then? Maybe to help most successfully you need to get yourself better, and then you will be able to help as much as you want to, for a long long time.
  9. _________________________________________________________________

    this is Hard.

    today i've been perfect. the perfect daughter. i've laughed, i've smiled, i've gone out and i've spent time with my mum.

    They need happy memories.

    Its hard pretending. But i have to really.
    Which would you prefer?

    :biggrin: Hi, im Sarah. And i'm the happiest girl in the world.:biggrin:

    :sad: Hi, im Sarah. And i dont want to live in this world. :cry:

    hmm. enough about me. if anyone reads this, i hope you are okay and well. anyone can PM me anytime if they need help or just want to talk.. x
  10. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I read it missy.

    I am deeply concerned about you.

    No one is perfect, no one can be.

    Your parents want you well, not putting on a front so that you can die. But you're not giving them happy memories for them, you are giving them so that you can feel you have done everything and can kill yourself with some sort of peace.

    But it's not true, no matter how many good memories you give them, it will never be enough they will miss you unbelievably. They will grieve and grieve forever. Their little girl will be dead and gone, and no parent should outlive a child.

    Sorry for being so blunt, but I know that you are intelligent enough to know these things, and also to know that it's true.

    You know where I am. You know I will always talk to you if you need me, so please poke me if you do.

    Hang in there gravy girl :D
  11. thanks for replying hun. i no what your saying is blunt, but i do agree with most of it. Just dont be concered about me. i am fine.
    i am fine


    fine :smile:

    Just found out my mums going away for the weekend. makes me feel better as i no she'll have fun with her friend. My dad generally just leaves me alone.

    I like being left alone.

    But i'll be fine.
  12. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    If being left alone makes you feel ok, then that's good, so long as you will be fine, as opposed to saying fine because that's easier.

    Rose, I am concerned. Why? Because I care. Why do I care? Because you are one of the few people on here who has offered me help (especially in chat) when I needed it. I feel forever indebted to that because you made a huge difference.

    I want to be there to help you because you are a beautiful, caring girl. And if I can do anything to help someone who helps so many then I want to.

    You are the only person that I feel I have made any sort of connection with on here. You know me better than anyone else, and that is a total testament for the level of respect and trust that I have for and in you.

    For me to have any sort of trust and for me to have that level of respect for someone, you have to be pretty special, even if you can't see it.

    You don't deserve all this crap. You don't deserve to feel your only option is suicide. You don't deserve to have been let down so badly by people that are supposed to help you.

    What you DO deserve is to have some professional help, to see some hope out there, to be taught to fight your depersonalisation, to have help with all the other things that you struggle with, to be loved and cared for and many other good things.

    I can't do much to help, just 'listen', but you know I'll do that anytime.

    Hang in there honey, and take care of my gravy girl :p
  13. once again, my grape girl has succeeded in making me feel warm inside. i have no words, except thankyou. and just listening, is rare. :hug:
  14. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    :hug: all part of the service :tongue:

    Nah, you know what I mean :hug:
  15. One of my closest friend nearly took her life. She's just come out of an almost coma.. And the point of life is? She is home now. Im worried. i luv her :( how can i reassure people to live when i dont want to myself?

    Its to hard to do this.
  16. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry about your friend. But I'm glad she is ok. She is home now and hopefully she will be ok. They won't have discharged her from hospital unless they thought she was safe.

    Maybe if you tell others the truth, about how it won't last, and all the stuff that we talk about, you might draw strength from it and realise that it is all true for you too.
  17. home alone.

    so quiet.




    why am i posting this?
  18. but i'm fine.
  19. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    fine truly fine? Or fine, I'll say I'm fine, even though I'm not?
  20. Fake fake fake fake fake fake fake fine.

    but fine

    how can i be:

    hot yet cold

    tired yet awake

    bored yet occupied

    numb yet feeling

    here yet gone

    it all is one big contradiction.

    i dont even feel in the room anymore half the time.