For me to be alive, I mean all I do, all I can do, is sit at the PC day in day out. I don't have social phobia, but a more obscure issue, or maybe issues that prevent me from going out, I am more afraid of what I might do to someone else. I suffer from servere pre menstrual problems, which on some days border on psychotic episodes, and if someone was to do or say anything to me god forbid my reaction. I am not a violent person by nature, quite the opposite, I have never been in trouble with the police, in a fight, nothing like that, but these "PMS" episodes scare me, I have dissacociated, screamed hystericaly till I could not breathe, been sick, acted like Jekyl & Hyde, raged with the most unimaginable anger, cryed none stop for 24 hours, can't sleep, can't get to sleep because as soon as I get into bed I start thinking and crying, the only thing which brings me a small repreive is my love of music, but I can't go through life with my ipod in my ears. I don't go out because I would not like to think what my reaction to some silly teen spitting on me and shoving a video recording mobile phone in my face screaming YOUTUBE, would be, I have no intention of fighting or finding trouble, so I just stay in. All this started when I took the pill 2 years ago, I was on it for about a year then stopped it as it was making me so ill, but the side effects returned as these symptoms, not to mention the terrible pain I go through each month. Iknow you will tell me to see a doctor, been there, done that, got the T shirt, no help at all, suggested I take anti depressants and beleive it or not another contraceptive pill! I'm 21 by the way. I have not had a very good life, and whilst this adds to it, I really feel like giving up.