Is there a way out?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shawnok, Nov 8, 2006.

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  1. shawnok

    shawnok New Member

    I have been having suicidal thoughts over the last several days. Because of the pain, hurt, grief I have caused my wife and family. I am an alcholic, and have been for 1/2 my life. i have recently quit, but not before the damage was done. My wife and kids have moved out, she is moving somewhere and will not tell me where, my kids are heartbroken, and it is all my fault. When I think of all the mean, hurtfull and demeaning things I said and did, it makes me just want to die. There is nothing I can do to make up for all the pain I caused. I destroyed a family through my self-centered actions. They wuld all be better off if I wasn't around, and could just cash out the life insurance policy. Then they could go and find somebody to make them happy, cause I sure didn't.

    Am I wrong for thinking this way? I just can't shake it
  2. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Hmm well I do not know you as a person. So I cannot say if you are right or wrong in your way of thinking. I think you are on the right path. Just keep improving and slowly things might fall into place. Then again things might go to hell. It is a gamble, but I cannot make a clear judgement with what you have told me. I would need a deeper story.

    So for now try to find a hobby.... most any hobby will do just find something to get your mind off of what you have lost.

  3. shawnok

    shawnok New Member

    I'm still here and still having irrational thoughts, although not as bad...No matter what happens in my relationship with my wife, I cannot bear to think what it would do to my children. They did not ask for any of this, it is not their fault, and they should not have to pay a life long price for it. If I can hold onto that thought, then maybe I will make it through this situation. I must and will find a way to survive
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    If you stay off the booze Shawn and get your life back on track, anything could happen. Get and stay clean, let your wife and kids see the new you and see what develops.

    She didn't like the drunk you, not the sober you.
  5. shawnok

    shawnok New Member

    I have not had a drink now in 13 days..and i will never drink again.. since my last posting, she has called me and stated she would try some counseling, to see if there is anything left to salvage. I am going to hold onto that and concentrate on getting myself better, then we can hopefully work on us..
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    If you say so, but if your wife is anything like my mom. She will be spouting out messages of hatrad towards your kids. She will try and get them to hate you with every fiber of their being. I know from experience my mom did the same to me and my sisters. But much like my dads brainwashing my moms did not take to me. But I am one child. Anyway, in my opinion no one person is worth suffering over. But then again I have never known love or companionship.
  7. Luliby

    Luliby Staff Alumni

    That is excellent news! Look what 13 days has already accomplished! Are you in an AA group? Seriously, you could get a lot of support from there. There are always a few bumps on the road to recovery and it'll be easier with support from more than just your wife and kids. It also takes some of the pressure of them.

    I am glad things are turning around and I encourage you to take even more steps toward this recovery. Even if you've been to AA before now might be the time to go back, get a sponsor, and carve out your recovery and restore your family. I'm really proud of you and the steps your taking.

  8. shawnok

    shawnok New Member

    I have been going to AA, although not as much this week, because my kids were with me. I am going to start going back next week regularly. I have found bumps, potholes, and the occasional tornado it seems so far...but if I made it this far, there is no turning back. I am going to conentrate on me for awhile, because if i cant fix me, we cant fix us. And that is the ultimate goal, to fix me, so that we can be a family again

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