Is there any help for me?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by DefectiveByDesign, Jun 7, 2009.

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  1. I know I have a problem but I don't know what to do. My body keeps sabotaging my life and prevents me from even trying to overcome my problems.

    One of the things that bothers me is the fact that I'm almost 29 and never been on a date, kissed or even hugged a woman. I was really shy when I was young, but I've always wanted to find someone.

    But my body always finds a way to give me the finger. I have had severe and incurable acne since I was 12, and my face is disfigured from the scarring as well. Even though I never even kissed someone, somehow I managed to get herpes on my lip since I was a kid, which means I can't kiss anyone ever. I'm physically weak and scrawny but I can't do exercise because my body has an allergic reaction to sweat and heat. I've also learned that I have a severe snoring problem, so bad that I can't even share rooms with someone (I recorded it and it's nasty, lots of buzzing and then sucking sounds). It definitely would get in the way of a relationship. I also have other physical shortcomings that basically mean I won't satisfy any woman in bed either.

    I look at this list and concluded that there's no way anyone would ever want to be with me. And this conclusion is really painful. Not physical pain, but something in the mind. Before I found out about the herpes and the snoring, I was actually trying to start dating and started asking people out, but with these two additional factors, I feel that there's no chance whatsoever.

    I've already been to many different doctors to try to fix my physical problems, but there's nothing they can do.

    These days I am not motivated to do anything anymore. I don't want to work, I don't want to talk to people and I don't want to get up in the morning.

    I know I don't want to live the rest of my life alone but I think it's likely, unless something can help me. And I don't know what it is.

    When your own body is trying to destroy your chances, what are you supposed to do? I feel so disgusting.
  2. shades

    shades Staff Alumni

    Well, the snoring can be worked on, many new methods and there are some new medical treatments for acne, though you really shouldn't be too worried about that.

    What kind of herpes is it? Does it flare? has it deformed or disfigured you?

    Still thinking you could meet someone and make your world a happy one.
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Have you ever been to a sleep specialist to see if you have sleep apnea? That tends to cause some severe snoring.

    There are some new treatments out there for acne that I've heard can really help.

    Try not to give up hope. It's always possible to meet the right person. There were lots of times I thought my lack of sight would keep me from meeting a guy, but I've learned that there really are people out there who will accept you for who you are.
  4. It's really hard to believe that. I can't get over the list that I'm someone that can't kiss, sleep together, look decent or satisfy sexually. No one wants that.

    I've really tried everything for the acne, even Accutane failed to do anything. And speaking to several doctors, they say there's not much they can do about snoring either. The surgical options are risky in that they can make things a lot worse, because they don't have the ability to tailor it to the way the air flows through my specific throat, so that hacking and slashing at the soft tissue is an educated guess at best. The mouthguard is ineffective, the laser ablation and the implants procedure is also very risky in making things worse.

    The herpes is the kind that's basically contagious even when it doesn't have an outbreak. So my mouth can't touch anyone.

    I just don't know what I can do to cope with the emotional aspects of this, since there's nothing that can be done about the physical aspect. It doesn't help that I'm getting older and have nothing to show for it.

    My doctor did a screening for sleep apnea and didn't think I had it. I just have a nasty respiratory system. I can't breathe through my nose at all most of the time.

    It's just so hard to believe that there's any hope at all. All these things I have make me feel so disgusted with myself.

    I guess what I want to know is whether there is anyway to help the depression I'm feeling, even though I know it's caused by things that can't be fixed. At it's core I just want some real human contact.

    It's been really rough for the last 8 months and I don't know how much longer I can hold it together. I feel like I'm holding something in my mind that's about to explode. If I just let it go, I'd go insane.
  5. Breathe

    Breathe Well-Known Member

    I have a friend like this.
    Terrible snoring that keeps us awake when he sleep round a mates after a drunken night out, acne scars that are etched into his face no matter how many doctors he visited while he had acne and after, a skinny body and not well endowed to be honest (how i know? truth or dare drunken style got him to strip and run around naked XD)
    But i would not change him for the world, he is our geeky (star trek lover) but awesome friend we can rely on.
    There are people who dont rely on looks, lots of them out there. A sparkling personality can make up for what ever you feel you dont have.
    (p.s. i used to have a crush on this guy cause he was so kind. There is hope.)
  6. I think like most people, snoring after drinking is normal. However it happens to me no matter what. I've basically been barred from going on business trips now, much less sharing a bed with someone that loves me if such a person existed.

    I used to believe that it was possible to overcome a few physical problems with a good personality but I don't think this body is going to let me. It'll just invent new ways of screwing with me as it always does. I was actually coming to terms with myself last year but with the additional crap that this body had in store for me, it's not happening anymore. It'll probably give me diabetes too soon. Runs in the family. This body is truly my enemy. If I could take revenge upon it I would. I want to hurt it just like it has hurt me. It's too bad I would just feel the pain too.
  7. Ptitz

    Ptitz Well-Known Member

    wow, your life must suck. truth is, ive seen a couple last week. a nice lookin guy and a woman who had her chin hanging down to her breats. so it might seem cheesy and all but there should be somewhere out there who will like you for who you are.
  8. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I can feel where you are coming from DefectiveByDesign. Although my physical problems are not as bad as you describe, what bothers me more is what I have to offer on the inside, which is basically nothing. I am a very boring person with very limited experiences, having been and still being a loner, a recluse, being cooped up in my room on the computer. And I'm also thinking that no girl will ever want me, I don't even make an effort right now as I know I would be shot down. It does depress me that some expect me to get married within a few years but I do not think I will ever find a significant other and die alone, I don't have a positive outlook on my future. :(

    I also feel that is there any hope for me and if I should kill myself or not. I feel that it is too late for me to change who I am, I have fallen so far behind the other 22 year olds that it is too late and I will be screwed for the rest of my life.

    I hope that you will find happiness and a woman to love you for the way you are.
  9. Ptitz

    Ptitz Well-Known Member

    man, dont be silly. just get out there you kno. i know a guy like that, hes quiet and never talks much. but hes a good guy so we hang out with him. we even drag him out to go to raves with us. we randomly called him up to come to paris when we were there for new years. after hours of objections of course. and recently he actually got himself a girlfriend, not a bad lookin one at that. he even scored after bein a virgin for 24 years. so hey. you cant change who you are but its not a reason to seclude yourself from the rest of the world.
  10. I think you will be OK. A personality can be changed, experiences can be obtained. It's not something to be worried about. I say this because I know it can be changed. Last year, I was starting to turn things around after 5 years of growth. Leaving aside my piece of crap body, I made huge progress in terms of being a more interesting person. I was ready to begin being a normal person, and I wanted to start going to social events, dating, etc. And I felt that it was possible, even at 28, and by all signs, it was.

    Now, though, it's the physical side of my life that's killing all of that. I basically never had a chance anyway, I just didn't know. Now that I do know, I don't feel like trying anymore. But it's completely irrelevant for someone without these problems.
  11. dxd

    dxd Guest

    I agree, i would happily trade becoming a boring person to remove my physical issues.

    I have had nothing but ongoing bad luck and also have scarring on my face. I have sat in front of the mirror for hours and other times avoid looking. I originally put all my hopes into doctors/technology but there is nothing they can do.
    I would do anything to turn back the clock. I know for a fact i will never have a partner or a family and will always be on my own. My life is basically over.
  12. james555

    james555 Member

    That's the problem... girls have crushes on nice guys, but that rarely ever lasts. If you said you married such a guy, that would be different.

    I don't have any physical problems; I'm okay looking, nothing really 'bad', but that hasn't stopped me from not having any girlfriends for more than 2 weeks. My only real friend keeps telling me one day I'll meet someone. But it's just hope, and I can't live on hope. Not for much longer anyway.

    Anyways, sorry to hear about your problems. I'm going to be honest, there's nothing I can say that would help you, just like there's nothing I can tell myself that would help me.
  13. prakash

    prakash Well-Known Member

    You have problems but so do all people. We all have problems of some kind or another. Important things is not to brood over our problmes but try to solve them. It is like a man who was very depressed that he had no shoes, until he saw a man who had no feet. Then he felt better. The same applies to you.

  14. i have to put in her, and let you know, that i am a woman, and am never bothered by snoring. i am a cheerful sleeper, meaning if someone texts or calls at any hour or if for any other reason i am awakened, i am just as happy as if i had my 8 hours in, already.

    snoring, i sleep right through it. there are so many people on the planet. . . i am sure there are TONS like me, that really don't give a damn about snoring.

    neither have i ever considered someone's complexion, or facial structure, in regards to dating them.

    truth is, i have never fallen in love based on looks. it all comes from the heart, mind, and soul. love overcomes bondaries that we would oft think impossible to cross.

    there is hope for you.
  15. 22yoFemale

    22yoFemale Guest

    I, too, have not had an issue with a snorer. My father use to snore terribly when I was a child and I would have to sleep in the same room as him when we went on vacations. One grows accustomed to it--to the point in which they longer hear it even.

    I've dated people with acne scars. One in particular had very deep acne scars. I thought he was a fairly attractive man anyway.

    Some women like thin men. :) You don't have to be big to be loved, of course. And there may be ways to build some muscle on to yourself if you absolutely feel you must. It would take a lot of protein and extremely-well planned out "work-out" methods. Just because you don't sweat during a "work-out" doesn't mean you're not working those muscles!

    As for oral herpes--it happens. I was given the gift that keeps on giving as a child, as well, and I NEVER kissed anyone until I was much older. The virus cannot be cured, of course, but there are so many methods that you can use to help lessen the breakouts and heal scarred parts of your lips. You CAN kiss people. They just have to be OK with the possible transmission of it. People like me--people like you--already have the wouldn't "hurt" so bad to kiss, you know? We already have the outbreaks and, though we might end up with a sore on the other side of our lips for a change, it isn't much of a SHOCK or SCARE since we've been dealing with it.

    You sound like a fairly nice guy from what you've described, just a little down on yourself. I think everyone has things about themselves that makes them believe they will always be alone. I know I do.

    I hope all works out well with you and you find a wonderful partner to grow older with. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you, and wouldn't mind exchanging email addresses or whatever sometime :)
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