Is there any hope for me?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Heavenly Star, Aug 7, 2008.

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  1. Heavenly Star

    Heavenly Star Well-Known Member

    Hi, i'll try not to go on too much but i have so much to say and no one to say it to.

    I've been suffering with depression since the beginning of this year and my mood has been getting lower and lower. I've also just been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after being raped 2 years ago. I have taken numerous overdoses and spent 6 weeks on a psychiatric ward earlier this year. I also cut my arms and stomach to try and cope. I have seen many different doctors and psychiatrists but it's been no help to me at all. I've tried different medications but they've had no affect on my mood. I have a care co-ordinator who visits me at home once a week and she has been doing so much to try and help but the problem is me. Whenever I visit doctors etc I always end up getting angry with them. Mostly because they just don't understand what it's like to live like this. I want the help so bad but deep down I know that there is nothing that can help me and the only option left is to try and end my life for good. I'm down on a waiting list to see a psychologist but i'm not convinced it will help as I find it really hard to open up and talk to people. Especially people i don't know.

    I'm also incredibly lonely. I don't have any friends and don't really get on with my family. I just spend all my time locked away in my bedroom crying my eyes out and getting myself into such a state that i end up being physically sick. I don't get any sleep and i have stopped eating in the hope that i can just waste away and die.

    All I wanted was for someone to care about me and to at least try and understand how much i was suffering. I don't have anything to live for.

    anyway, sorry for going on so much but I just needed to let it all out.
     
  2. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    I know, to a certain extent what you are going through. It might seem to you like you have nothing to live for but we all have something to live for, we jus have to find it. It might be something we're good at, that you could later make into a career. For me, it's books and writing.
    It's hard to feel like you can go on when you're feeling so alone but posting on this forum is a great first step to making friends and having people who will listen.
    Just hold on and don't let go yet, :hug:
    Feel free to pm me anytime hun :)
     
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I understand feeling very angry...angry about how I feel, angry about what has happened to me and mostly, angry that I have to continue to work towards feeling whole again...expressing this anger has helped me relate to others in a way that feels more authentic...I try to remember that the anger is generated within me and not the fault of others...sometimes, I fail miserably in remembering this...other times, I have access to someone else and it allows me to be able to express this anger in a more meaningful way...hope you find some expression of these feelings...big hugs, J
     
  4. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    We all need a place to open up completely about our hurts. It takes more than one place for me. I've been meeting with a psychotherapist for a bit more than a year, a psychologist and a psychiatrist for two years and an Anxiety/Depression support group for about a year. I know, too, that God has had a hand in my treatment. The feelings you're experiencing are ones that need more than one treatment type. A psychologist can't do the whole job, nor can this forum, nor can medications. Look for as many resources as you can for help. There is help for you.
     
  5. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    sweetie
    im so sorry for the trauma u were put through and the anguish u are feeling , i would hope that someway life will turn around for u , try coming into chat for a chat , but most of all there is hope for u just be gentle on urself hun and please ask for help.

    jo alias (patacake)
     
  6. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    if you are lonely then do something about it. of course it's easier said than done. everyone wants friends but one just can't simply go out and shake hands right? ok u need to mix. so think about how are you going to be able to meet people to mix. Solve the problem and then move on.
     
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Coming to terms with the events that left you with PTSD is never easy. If it were we would have no need for specialized hospitals, clinics, therapists, etc. What occurred in a short amount of time remains with us a lifetime and often takes years to undo. There is hope for you, but you can't give up on outside support.Progress can move very slowly. You may not notice that it is happening, but subtle changes continue until one day you realize that it is becoming a memory instead of consuming your life. It never goes completely away, but you do learn to recognize triggers and sensations for what they are-something related to the past. It is not in the here and now and doesn't have to be the future.
     
  8. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't give up heavenly star. I'm sorry that you were raped a couple of years ago, and that it has caused you to feel you so down about yourself. I agree that seeing a psychiatrist would be a good idea to help you deal with some of your issues. Please don't try another suicide attempt. :hug:
     
  9. miracletome

    miracletome Active Member

    wow, yeah i understand how you get angry with them. Ofcourse there is hope for you. at least i see. I know it seems like you have so many problems right now, but you can get the help you need. i guess the right time hasent come yet :( im not an expert at this but i dont think drugs are the answer that your doctors are subscribing you. i dont think drugs can change how you feel and think about life, ect. i mean they help to calm you in a way but not completely cure you.
    anyways, you can be my friend :] <3
    sn- ix2sarah
     
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you! I am male and it makes me very angry when I hear about the animals that are out there.
    I disagree about the meds, they aren't a miracle pill but they do help you to stay stable. You just have to give them a chance to work. I also think you need to find a therapist,you just have to build that trust between you. It took me a little over a year to start trusting mine!! Now she knows everything about me...Please if you get so down that you think you are ready to commit then take yourself to the emergency room. Don't be afraid of them admitting you for evaluation. I'm talking about the meds. It is easier if they can monitor you untill they start helping. As far as being on the pysch ward it isn't any bid deal, If anything it is rather boring so have someone bring you some books. Take Care and know you are in our thoughts...
     
  11. Heavenly Star

    Heavenly Star Well-Known Member

    Hi guys, just wanted to thank you all for your replies. I can't even begin to describe how much it means to me.
     
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Just glad to have been able to help hun. :hug:
     
  13. ibinsanediego

    ibinsanediego Active Member

    Have you tried support groups who have gone through what you are experiencing? Even if you don't talk about your own experience, listening to others and their experiences will help you in knowing you are not alone in your troubles... and in the process you will find friends who will care about you.
     
  14. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I would be carefull of support groups. I attended two of them. 1)I told them I just wanted to listen for now. And they just came at me from different sides asking me all kinds of questions. 2) I thought I had found a group who are under guideance of a therpist. Well this one girl told me She couldn't accept my thoughts and the therapist just sat there not saying anything. So I never went back. It set me back about six months in my one on one therapy.My therapist said she would like to meet this girl and bitch slap her!!!:mad:!!! I would recommend you start with a therapist and then explore different groups. I am not saying all groups are like that. I was just saying what happened to me. I guess what I'm saying is be carefull and remember if you start panicing there is a door, you can get up and leave.Stay Safe And Stay Strong!!!
     
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