Is there any way out of this?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Bloodrose, Feb 20, 2008.

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  1. Bloodrose

    Bloodrose Member

    I have people hating me all the time where I'm around. I can't work due to psychophrenia, and can't study to get an eduation either due to it. I can't socialise, since it plays with all my 6 senses. And all I get from real life, and delusional harassments are things that invalidate me for me. That everything of who I am, and everything that I do, is offensive to them. I experience hatred every single waking moment of my life by these people and delusions that I can't love myself anymore. I feel that my soul has totally rotted away. And its still rotting away more the more that I live.

    Living in a society that doesn't understanding anything and would rather judge and "know" than to understand or care. I have only been subjected to more hatred, bullying and isolation.

    I may never study, work, or learn for life due to schizo. I have had over 20 suicide attempts in my life.

    I'm transgendered, coming 30, still locked in a draconian family, where I have no rights, and no communication ever took place throughout my life. Even questions at the age of 5 or this age to "why are these people like this and that" was and is still looked down with stupidity. Being with a dement parent (who is in total denial of it) that has a need to be in total control of me and my life, and who is snobbish and self righteous about it... I don't know...

    I have no friends IRL, at least, none who don't laugh, bully or scorn me.

    I wasn't allowed to date because my mom was totally against it.

    I have no right to go out of the house, because my mom is almost totally against it.

    If it wasn't for the internet, I'd have no friends at all. But friends on the internet may not be who they seem to be. And it doesn't take away the coldness and lonely feeling and vibes I give out all the time.

    I can't smile anymore, no matter how I try. I can't love people or myself anymore, because all I experience is verbal, mental, and emotional battery daily. I am totally invalidated... and cannot find a way to be self confident, because I can't anymore... Any amount of self confidence will be stripped away by them in less than 2-3 seconds... I don't know how to be confident anymore... I don't know where that would stem from....
  2. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Wow. Rose, that's two handsful! First I would hope you are working closely with your physchiatrist (psychoprenia for those don't know is schizoprenia in the states). He/she may be the only person who can help you with your disorder. What is your country are you in? Do you think you can make it independently (on your own), or perhaps is there some kind of care facility help you live a better life?

    We know only a couple of things for sure: You're 30 years old and stuck with your parents.

    You write very well by the way! :hug:

    The title you chose, "Is there any way out of this?" is actually a very good question. You a have lot of things pestering you. The great part that I don't you're appreciating is you have access the world wide web--the Internet. Just keep posting. You're survivor and very strong woman.

  3. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    I'm a total social outcast as well(since childhood) so don't feel like you are alone. If you want you can pm me any time, my friend.
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