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Is there any way out?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by TheBLA, Nov 9, 2008.

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  1. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    I'm sure I'm not alone in this where you feel/know that your life is incredibly crappy, everyone else around you has a much better life than you, you cannot imagine suffering like this for many more years in your future and you want to end it. And yet you can't, your afraid of doing it, ending up with a failed attempt, what happens after you die, etc. Your stuck in your life and you feel so hopeless and frustrated.

    My dad decided to remind me today how shitty my life is, how pathetic I am (thanks a lot! :dry:) but it is the hurtful truth that I keep ignoring but inevitably, I'll always be reminded of it, I can't run away from it forever. How can I avoid the fact I have no friends, no social life, barely go out of the house, that I do the exact opposite things everyone else my age does, they enjoy life, I wish that I wasn't ever born. I feel so pathetic with all this self-hating.

    I've been very isolated for much of my life, very introverted, missed out on all the experiences everyone else has gone through, lack knowledge of many things that are so easy for others. And then I feel like I am 21, but yet so far behind developmentally, and I don't have the drive to catch up with everyone since I'm so far behind, so far behind that I should just give up and end my life? I'm not ready for the real world when I should have been years ago. I'm the baby bird all grown up but still in the mother's nest, where my peers flew out on their own a long while back. Its going to be very painful in my near future.

    And yet I'm very afraid to kill myself, I only think about it, haven't attempted, I'd probably fail anyways or if I succeed, go into hell anyways, my life can certainly get worse can't it? :(

    I just feel so stuck, that there's no way out, maybe there is a way out but I can't see it due to this cloud of depression and self-loathing and apathy. I have such a pathetic life and it sucks that even if I start improving myself now, I'll always be way behind everyone else, but if I don't do anything, I'll only keep falling further and further behind. I wish I had the drive and energy and decided that I must live, I cannot die and would improve myself starting now!

    One thing is that you guys don't know all the details and factors of my life, so maybe if you did, you may say that I really should kill myself.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2008
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You know something Rahul, you're comparing yourself to all your friends and seeing how far they have gone already, but you really shouldn't be doing this to yourself. Everyone grows and develops at their own pace. Your family wants you to become a doctor. You're still young and have many years to go to medical school. And also, if you choose not to go to medical school, it doesn't make you a failure. You have do what makes you happy. Live your own dreams, not someone else's. :hug:
  3. TheBLA

    TheBLA The biggest loser alive.

    Thankfully my parents aren't as strict as other parents. I am in school to work in Information Systems, and my parents are perfectly fine with that. That's not the problem.

    I know that everyone grows and develops at their own pace but its different for me. I have artificially isolated myself and put myself in my own prison, staying at home and doing nothing with my life while everyone else has gone out and done normal things that normal people do. I know I'm not alone in this and there's people here that can relate to me.

    I've been very isolated and missed out on a lot of things, I am far behind developmentally for others my age. And because I've been so far behind, should I just give up and end my life or now finally get out and "start living"? I know everyone will say the second answer is the obvious choice. Its really hard when everyone will realize how far behind you far and laugh and ridicule you. After you've been isolated for so long, its going to be extremely difficult for me to get out and become "normal".

    If only I was sure, like I know you Dave will say I should NEVER EVER kill myself and no matter what, keep fighting and even if you are so far behind, just start running in the race now so you don't fall further and further behind. I wish I could be as sure as you would be, not have all this doubt and fear. I feel very afraid of my future, what it holds for me, how far behind I am and that I am already 21, so old and yet so behind.
  4. Elly Toad

    Elly Toad Member

    You're right... you're not alone.
    In fact, it was you that made me delighted that I wasn't the only one in my own situation. A couple of years ago, I think you made a post about hating college and how it was basically the bane of your life? It came up on Google when I was searching for any kind of indication that other people felt the same way as me. I know that your attitude towards school might have changed since then, but still it was a relief on my part, you know?

    Not to mention your detail of having been raised as a baby your entire life and as a result not having any idea of how to face "the real world"... why, hello thar me.

    I don't know of much else to add, but I hope to respond more to your posts in the future. :biggrin:
  5. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're suffering through a tough time. Twenty one is pretty young though. Louise Bryant, John Reed's wife, Greenwich Village Bohemian, writer, feminist, and journalist was married and bogged down in Portland Oregon until she was 29.

    I'm twenty-five and I've just started to become more comfortable with myself. Thirty, I believe, is a good standard of adult hood. Just keep kicking and screaming and you'll come out a-okay.

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