Hello. I'm new to the forums, and I'd like to take a minute to introduce myself a bit. I've been dealing with depression and suicidal feelings for a long time now, and it's a struggle for me to try to break from both feelings. I also have a bit of social anxiety, and that makes matters worse for me because I'm a bit lonely and would like to fall in love and to have someone to complete me. But because my awkwardness and depression is so bad, it's hard for me to make that happen and a lot of girls that I want to be with pass me up all the time..and that has to be my biggest suicidal trigger. I've never truly been in love, and the people who I've been with were horrible and only used me for selfish needs..I feel like I'm going to be alone for a long time. There's two girls that I'd love to date more than anything, but like every girl I've tried to be with, it seems that pushing large boulders up hills would be easier. One doesn't seem interested and constantly tells me about the dates she's going on, and seems to only want me as a friend, the other is a bit young for me and doesn't communicate with me that much for personal reasons. The latter seems to be harder for me to get over for some reason.. Girl 1 stopped talking to me completely and it sucks..Everyone's answer to this, is you'll find that soulmate and there's plenty of women out there for you..I've been dating constantly for the last three/four years and so far I was set up with a woman who was not for me at all..no attraction or ambition at all and she had her own issues. Like I said, I can never get the girl that I desire and always end up with someone who I clash with or have no attraction for. Physical attraction is important to me, but I need someone who is kind and compassionate. And it's so hard to find where I live. I'm so frustrated and it is getting me riled up. I have the worst luck, and if I can't attract the right girl, and if I keep getting blown off and used, there's no point in living. I'm not waiting another four years to finally get into a meager relationship that is built around the other persons selfishness. I'm sick of seeing couples around me being happy while I'm alone having a coffee and/or sitting alone and just wishing I could get someone that great. I've tried killing myself quite a few times because of this. And other reasons get mixed in too, like my family, my friends don't ever call me or anything, I have to contact them just about every time and it's getting old. Plus, I'm not doing too good financially and it's dragging me down and I'm tired of being broke. I don't see any hope of getting married, having kids, and being successful. My health isn't the best, as I keep dislocating my shoulder due to an accident and I don't have much strength. Of course, most women desire a man with some physical strength...looks like until I get something done with my arm, I'm screwed in that department. So I have a weak body and Will power..the harsh realities are hitting me hard these days and it sucks. I feel like the one thing that would make me happy is to be with someone I love, because I don't get affection or anything at all. I can't even remember the last time I cuddled and made out with someone.. I hate writing depressing things about myself and to all who do read this, I'm sorry if it is. I just need to vent, and I need help. I am tired of living this way and I feel like my time is growing shorter. Btw, I tried Social Anxiety Support Forums but that wasn't helpful at all..instead of getting support, I was more or less berated for things I wrote. So..I hope it's not going to be the same here..