One of the main reasons I don't have any social life at all, am failing miserably at college, and absolutely hate myself is because I literally don't know anything. Supposedly my IQ is slightly above average, and I got straight A's in high school, but I have many mental issues and my brain functions entirely on its own - I have no control over what I can learn, what I can remember, or what I can focus on no matter how hard I try. For tasks that are trivial I basically just go into a sleepwalk state while I complete them. Mostly I get overwhelmed easily or just plain can't keep up with my brain processing things so slowly, at which point my head is all over the place and I daydream and dwell on my pain. For high school I was able to get by committing material to rote memory to regurgitate on tests, never having to actually apply any information I was supposed to learn. Instead of trying to force myself to read textbooks and not get anything out of it anyway I would just rehearse the bolded words for rote memory word for word, which were pretty much all we were ever tested on. Once finished with those words, I'd quickly forget them. I would ace English classes being able to just spit out each definition word for word even without being able to comprehend the word. Hell, over the years my brain automatically picked up big words from conversations that I can't even begin to define. The biggest problem with this form of "learning" is that there's very little that actually stays in my head - trying to hold onto memories is like trying to hold water in my hands for as long as possible. Everything I process is in bits and pieces that, if used in conversation, would just end up making me look like a retard. I also never remember things based on name, appearance, or time which is insanely frustrating. Worst part is that my brain automatically analyzes everything, often forcing me to relive events from long ago, searching desperately for a way out of my current miserable state, and examining all the negative possibilities of continuing to live. My brain is literally killing me...it's too fucked up. Is there anything that doesn't involve medication that could help with basic cognition? I've been on pretty much everything for ADD/ADHD. I've also tried hypnosis/guided meditation, and it's impossible for me to focus for it to have any effect. If I can't change the way my brain functions I don't want to live at all.