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Is there more to me than I think there is?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by meaningless-vessel, May 1, 2013.

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  1. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I think there might be something that I do not know or understand about myself, which might explain why some of the things I do are the way they are.

    In many of my posts, I do offer an emotionally detached train of thought process, which can seem to come across as unsupportive or insensitive. It is just an opinion, and not everyone's opinion is going to be right for the situation. I can also be argumentative, and a bit of an arse. I would suggest I have an attention-seeking complex that I have to make my point in some situations, which would probably be better left unsaid. Does that come from a lack of fitting in with different friend circles over the years? Does that come from trying too hard to help? I don't know.

    In some of my mannerisms in chat, I am just the same. I'll have bouts of being extremely hyper, and also be relatively frustrated at seeing some of the same advice (albeit in different words), given to the same person on multiple occasions. I blow a fuse a bit too easily at times, forgetting one of the biggest basics that there is, it's not my right to dictate how people live. Encouraging them to be themselves is better.

    Away from the online world, I'm not much better.

    I seem to do very little in the eyes of my mum, in regards to working or even doing the basics around the house. Some would see it as lazy (and in some cases it's deliberately done), yet it's not true. Some days I sleep 3 hours, others I sleep 10. Some days I don't drift off as easily as others, and frequently when I wake up I hear a child in the flat above having a 20-30 minute tantrum, particularly first thing in the morning.

    Most of my time is spent playing games or being online. This restricts my outdoor activities and I struggle to keep myself above board (as outlined above). On top of that, I don't particularly like too much "sunshine time" - I don't tend to put much of my skin on display in warm weather, preferring jeans/hoodies above short-sleeved t-shirts/shorts. Maybe that's why I'm quite pale.

    I do find it hard to be communicative about a lot of things that I think about. Or time can fly by. Concentration levels when it comes to things that could be useful to me are hard to maintain, as I do find it easy to be distracted by a high number of things. Whatever that could be classed as I don't know how to explain it to people who would know (like a doc). It's even been suggested that I have some degree of autism.

    I seem to come alive when I'm around a multitude of people. I saw my gf on saturday just gone, then on the sunday saw an uncle for the first time in 20 years, and my mum seemed to think I looked a bit happier. Of course, the whole weekend was pretty positive, but with this uncle coming over from the Netherlands, it meant a 20 person congregation with 10 under 18s there. A lot more distraction, plus my uncle even had a musical conversation with me (about guitars and keyboards and such), which re-ignited me picking up my guitar.

    So what is it that I do that makes me think I could have other issues that I am not fully aware of? Because I do find it awkward to picture myself from an outside perspective.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 1, 2013
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