is there no end.....?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by depressed-dad, Mar 4, 2009.

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  1. depressed-dad

    depressed-dad Member

    I am a husband and father of three. I work day in and day out to support my family. For the longest time now I have been in a state of depression and have not been able to do anything. The work I do is very physical and you need to be strong physically and mentally. Because if not you will get hurt or even worse. No matter what I do I can never get us over the top...bills, dr's, work, stress its all been building up. I just lost two relatives who passed away and I have hit a wall. The other day I held a XXX....I never thought that I would be able to even think of something like this and yet sitting in my bedroom with the XXX I saw that this could be so easy. I try to go to dr's and they give me meds but yet i still feel the same If i die, there is no more pain. No one here knows the pain....they dont know and yet they look at me and say whats wrong with you, why you acting like this. My father says well dont expect money from me....well damn it its not about the money.....some small bit may be but not the whole picture.....Im lost in a sea of black.....darkness is everywhere i own kids i cant even see the hope in a lost soul right now and i am afraid that I will never find my way back home......
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 4, 2009
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Hey DD,

    Hang in there ok. I am father too who has lost my wife and kids to divorce, dut mainly in part to alcoholism. Oh I get to see my kids every once in awhile but it is not the same, and I doubt it ever will be.

    But my point is, that we need to be there for our kids. If it werent for them, I am sure I would be dead by now.

    If you ever need to talk just send me a pm.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Firstly, I am so sorry things are so rough...please tell your MD that the medication does not seem effective; there are quite a few medications that can be prescribed...secondly, is there any vocational rehabilitation services around you that might be able to suggest how to use your skills in a less taxing manner??? please continue to let us know how you are...there are so many ppl here who really understand...big hugs,J
  4. mike308

    mike308 Well-Known Member

    You are not alone my friend...
    I am where you are..
    All I can say is HANG ON best you can.
    Try to get out and do something you used to enjoy.
    Find a distraction to take your mind off the seeming endless bad news and problems...
    It sounds trivial, but it works some times.
    Rest assured you have come to a place where we understand what you are going through.
  5. depressed-dad

    depressed-dad Member

    thank you to you all so far...i have been looking for somewhere to talk and so far hearing from peers instead of drs seems to be more of a relief.

    sometimes i view drs as someone who look at us as a paycheck from an ins company. this maybe the wrong way just my opinion. but it means alot to hear from people like you that know what it is like to feel things i feel.who have been there before or are there now. thank you.
  6. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i'm a dad of 3 and when i came to this site the members helped me remember that my kids should be more important and that they need their dad no matter what.
    yes it has been very hard and even now i can get very low but i always have them to live for.
    its not the same only seeing them at weekends but staying here and fighting is worth it.
    what ever happens you are needed by your kids and always will be, i hope you find the courage and strength to fight this.
  7. depressed-dad

    depressed-dad Member

    i had a seriously bad 36-48 hours....i have not slept in that time frame and to try and sleep I took some of my pain pills that i had from a few weeks ago. four to be exact. now i'm cold itchy and somewhat disembodied(sp) I feel as if there are momentary out of body visions. I had done many mind altering drugs in my past as a teenager. i feel like that at some moments and then some its like how i see addicts "feenin" for another hit....that twitchy jittery feeling.
    it was tramadol 50mg and im still awake and "high" but now its like my mind is running laps around my wasnt an attempt to "kill myself" but it was an attempt to knock myself out. it was given to me by my dr to treat pain from my gall bladder removal. these are the things that have ran me into a wall lately like i had said before. when i was taking them before they were very relaxing and could put me to sleep for a few hours yet its not working that way now.
    Im trying now to sleep and it is not working....does anyone know what i might be able to do to make myself go to sleep like home remidies(sp) i dont know how its going or how i sound because my mind is moving fast then my fingers or my mouth....if anyone knows a trick to fall asleep please share because my head is wandering....i think im ok but its just if i crash fall asleep i think i will be fine.
    im sorry to burden you all with these thoughts of mine but when i found this site and read some threads i realized that i am not alone where i once thought i was. i am not the greatest talker...i hold feelings and emotions in when face to face and this is a chance for me to open up without really opening up but i thank you for listening and having this site here....
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