Is there something wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by citygirl47, Jun 3, 2016.

  1. citygirl47

    citygirl47 Member

    My Story: My Dad died in my arms when I was just 6 yrs old. He was 39. At the age of almost 7, I was sexually abused (once, that I can remember), by my stepdad. I cried for the first time about my real dad at the age of 18.
    I confronted my step dad for the first time at the age of 30. My sibling,( half sister..different dad's) which I have always classed as my real sister, has told me she was also abused, she was 14 (I can't remember anything about this). In fact between the ages of 7 and 12 I can't remember much about my life at all. Anyway, our mum knows everything about my abuse as we are very close, my sister on the other hand hasn't talked much about her experience to myself or mum. It seems like she was 'groomed' as she was made to go on the pill, was there as a witness to step dad and mum's wedding etc.
    Mum and step dad split when I was 14 after quite a tumultuous marriage.

    My dilemma: Over the years, I tried to find solace in alcohol, counselling, cbt, psychologists, psychiatrists and eventually found myself strong enough to confront sd to answer my questions about my abuse. I finally came to the conclusion that I was going to forgive him, I have met him on numerous occasions to answer all my questions and I wrote everything down and burned the paper on my own little bonfire to put an end to my ghosts.

    Now, the thing is, my sister cannot understand how I can still talk to him, when I know about what's happened to her. I have told her that I wanted to 'exorcise my ghosts' so I could move on with my life, but after the first time we confronted sd, she said she felt worse and wanted to leave it in the past. Our family are not really close knit and never have been, although me n mum are like best friends. I have to pretend someone else is phoning me, if I am in mum and sisters company. l have offered to stand up in court for my sister, but she doesn't want to as she blames it on herself.
    The issue for me is that I am beginning to believe I am a bad person because I still speak to him and all I want is everyone to be happy.
     
  2. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    You are not a bad person. Everyone handles their abuse and any relationship with their abuser in different ways and your way is not wrong any more than your sister's way is wrong. My ex partner's father molested her and she sees him on a somewhat regular basis now. He is very apologetic about the past and clearly feels humiliated by it. She is extremely cautious though and never allows her daughter around him when she is not RIGHT there. I say as long as YOU are comfortable with how you interact with him, that is the most important thing. Good luck.
     
  3. citygirl47

    citygirl47 Member

    Thank you sofie, knowing someone else still has contact with their ex-abuser, makes me feel relieved and that I'm not alone. Thanks v.much for replying xx
     
  4. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    Hi I am Mox

    I am glad you were able to let go of your past and move forward with your life, that could not have been easy to do. I understand your concern for your sister, is seeing a therapist a possibility? Could she join us and share her story and we could help her too? Maybe find a support group in your area and both of you could go together? Your sister clearly needs help, I personally feel like the longer this goes on the worse it will get.

    We are here to help you in any way we can just keep us in the loop

    Take Care of Yourself