Is This A Mistake?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Godsdrummer, Aug 7, 2009.

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  1. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I mean....I was getting comfortable (not completely happy-but working on it) with being alone. I mean I could walk around naked, if I had a relapse with my drinking, I was the only one who knew.

    I could smoke whenever I wanted to.

    I could watch anything from religion, to KISS to porn and nobody would know.

    I was developing a relationship with one of the nicest and most wonderful women in the world. I doubt I will ever find another like her.

    Yet...I was constantly worried. Projecting about how I could survive.
    Worried about my car, my finances, all of it.

    And so it was, that back in June, I was saved. I accepted JC as my personal Lord and Savior. And that was when I did step 3 of AA.

    JC is now at the wheel. He controls my life.

    And look at what has happened. I get to play drums in a real gig in front of an audience with a real band again.

    I am going back home to my wife and kids.

    And yet....even though I know He is there with me, I still worry.

    What if I have a relapse with my alcoholism?
    What if I can't quit smoking? I start the Nico Patch Monday.
    What if things get worse than before? (doubt they could) but then again...

    I shouldnt worry as now I have AA and God on my side. I should say my wife and I have AA and God on our side.

    Still.....I have those fears.

    How in the hell do I get rid of them?
  2. Rose24

    Rose24 Chat & Forum Buddy

    Wow! One step at a time dear! Don’t try and take too much on board! It’s normal to have anxieties and fears every time there is a drastic change. You said it yourself; things are unlikely to get worse than they were before so just go with it! What does it matter if you don’t give up smoking?? - Just give it time, and with the alcoholism you have AA on your side and your wife to support you. don’t' let those fears and anxieties get in your way or it will be like a self fulfilling prophecy where things get out of hand because you are so afraid that they will.

    tc, be safe and GOOD LUCK :smile:

  3. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I have to quit smoking as a condition for my return home.
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Then I trust you will be able to quit although it may not be easy. Relapses do happen and you deal with them as they come. Sometimes we get so caught up with living in fear of what happens next, or when, or if, that we forget to live for now. If something happens once in say a months time, that is where the focus goes. You forget that while you messed up once, there were 29 time you didn't. Not bad odds if you are a gambler. Maybe it is a years time - 364 out of 365 you were successful. One day at a time. You will get there. :hug:
  5. Entoloma43

    Entoloma43 Well-Known Member

    I'm wondering how you managed to get God on your side? There are millions of starving children, people get raped everyday, murdered, die in natural disasters, but God is apparently watching over you? Where was God when children get raped and murdered everyday?
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    This question has been preying upon me a lot as of late. It's hard to justify religion when there is a lot of sorrow in the world.

    However, I've finally reached a conclusion that I'm comfortable with. Before ascending to Heaven, Jesus taught some very basic rules: treat others how you would like to be treated. Treat others with dignity and respect. Recognize and accept differences. Obey the law ("give Ceasar his due", etc.)

    It's hard to find God in situations like war. But I believe that God exists in the capacity for human goodness. He isn't a magical Santa Claus that will spirit away the evils of the world, but is present when people are good to each other. Bad things are going to happen in life. But just as people were created in God's image, people's ability to do good is a reflection of God. That's where God is.

    Paint me as a mush-hearted schmuck, but that's what religion is for me. Others may disagree, and they're more than welcome to. But it's what I draw comfort from, and what inspires me to be a better person.

    Anyway, we're getting off subject here. forpetessake, I'm glad to hear that things are going so much better for you . . . keep up the good work! I know that you can keep going for it.

    You are right in that relapses are possible, but please take it from my experience: when you've seen the bottom of the barrel, you are scared to death of going back that way. It makes you a stronger person, and less likely to mess up again. I think you'll manage to kick the smoking, seeing as you've already taken so many other positive steps in your life. :smile:
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 11, 2009
  7. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    I am not going to get into a debate or discussion why I know God is with me.

    All I know is that I turned my life over to God. And when I did, many great things started happening in my life. I got my wife back, my kids back, my dog back, heck I even got my drums back. I have been able to stay sober and even quit smoking.

    Now...I don't know why wants to help me. Might be, because He loves me. Heck, I know He does. He loves us all.

    But that's all I am going to say about that.
  8. Ignored

    Ignored Staff Alumni

    Wow, that is some proviso, that you have to give up smoking before you are 'allowed' back home. I hope your wife is going to cut you a bit of slack as obviously it's one of the most difficult things to do and I'd hate you being set up to fail.
  9. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    One of the best bits of advice i was given was,
    dont think too much about the past its happened and you cant change it,dont worry about the what if's cos they havn't happened yet and might never,just concentrate on today cos its here and now,
    and i know the above is easier said than done and i really wish you well because i think you've achieved so much already!!
  10. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Thanks guys. Well I am on day 2 of the non smoking thing. I have only had 1 ciggy in that time. However...I have been relying on using camel snus to get me thru the worst craving moments when the patch doesnt seem to cover it.

    I was smoking 25 cigs a day, as recently as last Sunday.

    I maybe did 4 snus yesterday and prolly will do 3-4 today.
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    That is an improvememnt hun. Try not to become reliant on the substitute though as it brings its own set of problems you then have to deal with. I am here rooting for you. :hug:
  12. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hang in there you can do it one day at a time you will win this addiction too
    good for you
  13. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    Someone explained it to me this way;

    God is on your side because he has always been on your side. In other words..... God doesn't choose sides, he has always longed to see you draw near to him. There has never been any other desire in his heart.

    Bad stuff happens because of sin in the world. Not because God is choosing sides.
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