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Is this abuse?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by frostheaved, Aug 12, 2018.

  1. frostheaved

    frostheaved Earned Toady

    Hey y'all

    Do you think spanking is considered abuse?

    It is still used in some cultures to reprimand kids. My mom is Thai, she was spanked as a kid, and even though i grew up in the states she spanked me until around when I turned 15 (kid).

    I think i have room to elaborate a little. My mom used the classic ruler, but more often a home depot paintstick, for spanking. Thankfully she only used a ruler once...
    [When she got more frustrated, she whacked me with books, threw random table items at me, locked me out of the house, didn't let me eat meals... she kicked me around on the floor once. When she didn't have anything to hit me with, she used her hands to whack my head and yank my hair. I remember when I was around 9 and she was very mad. I told her "kill me then!", and she proceeded to choke me. (My dad intervened)]

    Oops I ended up ranting. Oh well, I don't have the strength to delete it...

    It seems like "wow" when I write it all out... especially because it resulted from me not doing homework, or drawing, or doing chores inefficiently.

    Is this considered abuse? I have no idea. I also somehow diverted from just spanking.
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I don't think spanking is abuse, per se. If a parent is drawing blood or leaving cuts and bruises, that's a different story. I would say that the choking, hair pulling, not letting you eat meals, etc. was definite abuse. I'm really sorry to hear you went through all of that.
  3. Gonz

    Gonz Well-Known Member

    I’m with Witty_Sarcasm on this. Spanking on its own may or may not be abusive, depending on how it’s done. But the other stuff you described is absolutely and undeniably abuse (which leads me to believe that, even the times when it was “just” spanking, she likely took it way too far).

    You mention her being Thai, and that she was spanked as a kid. That makes it sound like she’s tried to use her own upbringing and the culture she was raised in as an excuse for her behavior (I have extended family from Mexico and have heard them use similar excuses for shitty behavior which is why I jump to that conclusion, but please correct me if I’m mistaken) and that is a load of bullshit. I admit that I know nothing about how people discipline their kids in Thailand, but I have a hard time imagining that they’d see that stuff as being at all acceptable.

    I’m sorry that happened to you. Being treated that way by anyone at any point in your life would be seriously fucked up, but the fact that it was a mother doing that to her child just makes it that much worse.
  4. bobbob

    bobbob SF Supporter

    Sorry you went through that. It was very wrong imo. Also imo an adult hitting a child in any way - including spanking - is assault and abuse and is unacceptable. But thats just my view. tc
  5. HumanExMachina

    HumanExMachina Pizza Spaceman Forum Pro SF Artist SF Supporter

    Any time an adult decides to 'instruct' a child using physical pain and humiliation, it's abuse. Period.
  6. Lulabelle

    Lulabelle Forum Pro SF Supporter

    My mother used her hands - spanking and punching. My father used a shoe.

    Yes, I consider it abuse. When we hit another adult in anger, we know it's wrong. So why would it be different if you're it to a child?

    I have never once hit either of my children and they've grown up into responsible and happy young adults.

    Physical punishment of your own children seems to be the acceptable face of child abuse and has been made illegal in many countries.

    I do think that there's a difference between the occasional slap and full on physical abuse but both are unnecessary and unacceptable. If you have to resort to physical violence to discipline your child you're not doing a good job of it.
  7. merlin123

    merlin123 Well-Known Member

    I'm always arguing with some close people about slapping or not a kid and I seem to be the only one along with my sister who are 100% against any form of violence. It isn't necessary. What I think is: if we punish kids by using physical violence to them, they might learn that's the way of educating others when they're older. Of course, as many said above, there's a huge difference between abuse and a slap from time to time

    This is abuse. This isn't the ocasional slap/spank some parents use because their child can't listen and is very nervous / angry. I'm not saying I agree with this but I wouldn't consider it abuse, however, I see yours clearly as abuse. Trying to choke you after you saying that she should kill you? What is wrong with her?

    I'm really sorry you had to go through this. Does she still do some of those things? If you're not comfortable answering this you don't have to
    DrownedFishOnFire and Lulabelle like this.
  8. frostheaved

    frostheaved Earned Toady

    Everyone, thank you for your feedback. I really appreciate it. I have a lot now to attempt to understand and accept.

    @merlin123 she stopped almost completely around when I turned 15. I now go to a university in the next town over, living at home because im broke. Nowadays I just have to watch my tone of voice. I had longer hair when i was a kid, which I cut when I turned 14. I was considering growing it out again but I angered my mom with my annoyed voice. She had a lot to pull on then, so I cut my hair off asap. ^^"
    I have never fought back.
  9. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    It does sound like it escalated beyond the normal spanking. Those things you described was not corpal punishment but more of a losing control of you on her end thing that is in the mental/emotional/physical abuse category. Sounds more like her desperate need to control you better along with taking her frustration on the inability to parent efficently on you even more. It amazes me that you have never fought back. That is a person who has the ability to withstand many things in life. Not making any excuses for her whatsoever.

    Those things @frostheaved I am sure your mom regret now seeing you as an adult that turned out decent. Am sorry it happened to you it should have not for anybody, period.

    Good luck in college.

    Take Care
    bobbob and frostheaved like this.