Is this abuse?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Asmoday, Nov 9, 2006.

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  1. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    I'm male and 24 years old. When I was young my father would feel my butt when he had an opportunity. For example when I'm in the kitchen and he comes from behind, he would hold my butt for 1 or 2 seconds. Is it normal for a father to feel his son's butt just like people like to touch children's cheeks? Maybe it's normal and I'm paranoid but he used to call me with a certain word when I was very young instead of my name. I thought it was just a made up cute word but later I learned that it means homosexual(mostly passive). He stopped calling me with that word when I was around 12 years old. But he continued to feel my butt for years when we came across in the corridor etc. He wasn't doing it often but when you spend years in the same house, it's a lot. When I was in mid and high school I used to cover my butt by wearing something long like a jacket so that the other guys can't see my butt. A few years ago I realised that I'm bisexual so I don't care anymore but do you think I was doing that in high school because of my dad? By the way he also used to beat me when I was a kid.
  2. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    Sorry, but it sounds like abuse to me. I have never heard of anyone holding another's butt unless there was some type of sexual feelings behind it. A pat (like football people) is one thing, but holding is another. Covering yourself I'd say would be a normal reaction. Are you able to cope ok? If you need to talk further, we are here for you.
  3. Bette

    Bette Guest

    Is your dad still living? Do you see him often? I mean if you are comfortable answering those questions.

    What I learned as a survivor of child sexual assault is that you question it over, and over again. You may blank some of it out. You may trivialize it. Everyone is different.

    I agree with conscious. NO!!!! A father should not be touching or holding his sons buttocks. Then with the little pet name I mean that's putting more into the game.

    I have a few males in my group meeting, and they have articulated things such as wearing specific types of clothing as a shield even into their adulthood. Same with females. It can even be with weight.

    No way can I say yes or no or absolutely. I am no professional. Maybe you would be open to going to a therapist. Then again if you never want to bring it up again that is alright too. You did nothing to provoke that. You did absolutely nothing wrong, but it's a good bet you wore long jackets and all subconciously. I hope you are O.K. You're also not alone. Stay tough, and if you want to delve into it I think you will find very good help here.
  4. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    Thanks for the replies. Yes I'm still living with my mom and dad but we're not close enough with my dad for him to hold my butt now because I only talk to him when really necessary. He is also old now. I also spend most of my time in front of my computer in my room when I'm at home. What bothers me most is not the abuse itself but the fact that if he was holding my butt for sexual pleasure, this means probably he also wanted to fuck my butt and that's very disgusting.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 9, 2006
  5. Bette

    Bette Guest

    Asmoday, It does not necessarily mean that. It could mean that, but either way it's all disgusting. I mean if he truly did that on purpose.

    That's your father. It wouldn't matter if you were a female either. No adult is supposed to treat a child in that manner. Let alone a parent.

    Maybe this will help. Now mind you I am no Doctor or expert, but I learned this through guys in my group. Just say you had sex with the same sex. Take away the minor part. Say an adult. Just because you have sex with a same sex partner does NOT make you gay. People have sex for all differnt reasons.

    Not that it would matter if someone is gay or not anyway. No shame in that.
    A for instance. I know a guy is a trick. Tricked his young self out to some real freaks on the street. He is not gay. He was an addict. He needed his drugs, and something to eat, and a coat. So, he had sex with men. It was merely a means to get what he needed to survive.

    Now bringing in a parent is a different story and being a child is a waaaaaaay different story. Your feelings are your own, and trust your instincts. If that is true well that is his problem not yours. If that was his intention thank heavens he didn't go through with it. Still it don't diminish your feelings, and obviously this had an impact on your life big time. Maybe you can talk in confidence to someone professional about it. Just to get it off your chest.

    I am sorry that happened to you. Sincerely. Ya know what I used ot HATE, and if I see an adult doing it to a child I freak. TICKLING. I don't mean a little tickle like prompts a giggle from alittle kid like for a minute I mean that damn relentless tickling where some freak gets you and tickles you and you beg them to stop and you ain't laughing. hey don't stop. Kid winds up almost in tears. I HATE that. My neighbor used to do that to me. It makes it easy on them to touch you inappropriately and a roomfull of adults can be there, and just don't get it.

    Man, your dad would NOT want me around. I'd have grabbed his butt, and then pulvarized him. Sorry, I know it's your dad, but that pisses me off. It sounded like too how he stopped when you reachedpuberty he wasn't doing it anymore. That'ts common.

    Man, you have done remarkably well with all of this. It's great you are are articulating it. One thing they do in therapy is ask you towrite a letter. He never has to see it. You can flush it even after you write it. Write it and tell him just how it made you feel. What your thoughts were etc. It helped me anyway. Just a suggestion.Then you can re-read it and then burn it or flush it, but writing really helps.

    Positive vibes sent your way, honey.
  6. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    Thanks very much for the reply Bette. It helped. :smile:
  7. Bette

    Bette Guest

    Any old time, Asmoday. No need to thank me.

    Hope you are well.

    Let us know how you're doing when you can.
  8. Asmoday

    Asmoday Active Member

    I'm doing ok about this issue.
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