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Is this already something serious? (may trigger)

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Two nights ago, I sort of did it again. Hurt myself. I don’t know why but it has become more of a habit. Rather, a compulsive desire to do it. And it feels like the need to breathe. I tend to resort to pricking myself with my favorite needle just almost every day, leaving me abrasions and other evidences of the pricks and cuts the following hours. Usually, I would wait for one scar to fade before I do it again so as not to make it obvious that I’ve been having too many scratch marks. But now, I just couldn’t wait anymore. It feels like it’s the only thing I can do.
I know I may have been telling other people that hurting one’s self is as bad as hurting others. I’ve been telling those who suffer like I do that there are other things you can do when you feel guilty about something and when you feel really lonely. I tell them that in order to make them feel better because I care about them and I know how dangerous it is to hurt oneself. But why can’t I do it to myself? Why can’t I tell myself to stop doing these things? All along, I’ve been fake. Because I only cared for others. And I never cared for myself.
I don’t know but I have decided on what to do in order to end this all. Pills. The exact solution. And I’ve even chose what drugs to overdose myself with. I know this is really bizarre and getting ridiculous now. But I don’t know, thinking about these things. Imagining myself trying to kill me brings me joy. Because maybe, through death, I will find peace. I will find the answers to all these longings. I will finally be happy.
Can someone tell me? Am I already in complete trouble? Or is it just my mind that’s getting all dazzled and trying to seek attention this way?


Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend
I don't think its that you are trying to get attention really.. but maybe it is your mind's way of telling you that you should worry about yourself more. I know I'm guilty of it... I tend to care more about others in pain than my own self thus causing me to get worse off.. its not a bad trait at all caring for others but I guess sometimes its best to focus on yourself sometimes so that you can be okay.

Really there is not enough people in this world that care for others.. I'm glad that you are one of them. You have been there for many people on here, myself included. It really is a good idea for you to focus on yourself though.. try and figure out how you can feel better.
I guess you figured out what's wrong now. Yeah, maybe I should try to pay more attention to myself this time. But the hard part is, I don't know how to do this alone. No one knows I'm being like this. And I am tired of pretending almost everyday that nothing is wrong. Because I know no one would understand.


Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend
Well... people on here would understand. You can talk to me or some other people anytime you want... I just really think it might do you a lot of good to focus on yourself.
I'm quite okay now. Well, after having watched a movie, I had got to see hope for me. But I know this wouldn't last long and soon I'll be back to my old lonely self again. So, life has always been this way. I'm trying to be happy. For me. But nothing's gonna ever change.
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