I've been thinking this for a while now. I attempted on my life twice, and both times I've been called selfish. It's selfish to kill yourself because you leave so many people behind who care. But isn't it also selfish of those people to want you to live like this? so whats what? it's like, if I live, I'm in pain, and all I live for is to not upset them. If I die, I upset them. The only one I dont want to upset is my dad, everyone else doesnt really care. They just say they do to make me feel better. The thing is, these people say "if you died, then we'd be sad" but then, they aren't there for me at all. They havnt talked to me in over a month, Apparently they care? I dont think so. Its easier when the friends and family you have keep you company and comfort you. But it's hard when you dont get that. I'm not the only one being selfish, they're selfish too!, forcing me to live when everyday is worse and worse. The only one who isn;t truly selfish is my dad. And I'm sorry, but thats just not enough really, I only see him at the most 2 hours a day and I LIVE WITH HIM! In short, the others who say they care, wouldn't care at all, if I died by killing myself or by accident, if I got raped, beat up, anything, they wouldn't care. They really dont give a shit, they made that clear. the way I figure I'm 1 person, and they're like 4 people. totaling 5. If all the selfishness is divided equally then I'm only 20% selfish when they are 80% selfish. Doesn't that far outweigh me being selfish for wanting it to stop? I'm not really in crisis, I'm not going to do anything: 1: dont have anything to do anything with 2: cant do it with anything other than pills because I cant do pain 3: if I dont knock myself out then I end up fucking telling someone which ruins it 4: if I fail, my dad abandons me......nice huh? so yeah, not gunna die, even if I want to. Like, it's hypocritical for people to call me selfish, when they're being selfish themselves.