Is this catch 22?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by lulu rose, Nov 17, 2007.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    I've been thinking this for a while now.

    I attempted on my life twice, and both times I've been called selfish.

    It's selfish to kill yourself because you leave so many people behind who care.

    But isn't it also selfish of those people to want you to live like this?

    so whats what? it's like, if I live, I'm in pain, and all I live for is to not upset them.

    If I die, I upset them.

    The only one I dont want to upset is my dad, everyone else doesnt really care. They just say they do to make me feel better.

    The thing is, these people say "if you died, then we'd be sad" but then, they aren't there for me at all. They havnt talked to me in over a month, Apparently they care? I dont think so.

    Its easier when the friends and family you have keep you company and comfort you. But it's hard when you dont get that.

    I'm not the only one being selfish, they're selfish too!, forcing me to live when everyday is worse and worse. The only one who isn;t truly selfish is my dad. And I'm sorry, but thats just not enough really, I only see him at the most 2 hours a day and I LIVE WITH HIM!

    In short, the others who say they care, wouldn't care at all, if I died by killing myself or by accident, if I got raped, beat up, anything, they wouldn't care.

    They really dont give a shit, they made that clear.

    the way I figure I'm 1 person, and they're like 4 people. totaling 5. If all the selfishness is divided equally then I'm only 20% selfish when they are 80% selfish. Doesn't that far outweigh me being selfish for wanting it to stop?

    I'm not really in crisis, I'm not going to do anything:

    1: dont have anything to do anything with
    2: cant do it with anything other than pills because I cant do pain
    3: if I dont knock myself out then I end up fucking telling someone which ruins it
    4: if I fail, my dad abandons me......nice huh?

    so yeah, not gunna die, even if I want to.

    Like, it's hypocritical for people to call me selfish, when they're being selfish themselves.
  2. lemonyjuice

    lemonyjuice Member

    I know what you mean. Whenever I've hurt myself somehow, people are always just mad at me. They say I do it to hurt them or to get attention or because I'm selfish, and yet no one has ever tried to help me.

    I don't know what to tell you. I think we should all be happy for ourselves. I have decided that killing myself isn't the answer, and I have decided to be happy, but I have to do it for myself and not for other people.
  3. rwillson

    rwillson Well-Known Member

    the needs (and wants) of the many out weigh the needs (and wants) of the few. classic struggle through out time. if those i know who care really knew how it felt to be me, maybe their views would change. would they think the same if i had a horribly unbearable terminal illness and i chose not to fight, refusing an equally unbearable treatment just to live a few years longer in misery...

    i am not a big believer in living for someone else, eventually i won't be able to take it anymore, and it will be their time to feel depressed...

  4. KMS

    KMS Well-Known Member

    going all captain spock there lol
  5. lulu rose

    lulu rose Guest

    I'm unsure of what this means. I understand the part about the needs and wants of the many being far greater than the few.

    But otherwise I dont really see what you're trying to tell me, erther you're try9ing to give advice, help or just voicing your grievances...I dont understand. It might be because I havnt slept for a idea

    ok, err what?. Dont get me wrong here, but.....are you actually contributing to this at all? I mean, I dont see how that helps me, or anyone else who posted in this thread...I know you're just trying to put humour into it, but theres not much that funny about anything that anyones written in here.

    Like I say, dont get me wrong. I'm not being bitchy, I genuinly think that the humour should be kept to the right sections.....sorry.
  6. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    The bottom line is this. Will your death cause pain? If yes, no matter what amount, then the right thing to do is not to cause them pain. They control their own feelings and actions, and you control yours. Believing that there is a grey area is what causes problems. All YOU can do is the right thing. Keep on living and doing your thing. Do anything in your power not to cause pain to others. Essentially, their actions and feelings , while effecting you emotionally, should not determine your behavior. This is the definition of love and unselfishness. Hold yourself to higher standards than they do. You are criticizing them, and yet you are using their behavior as an excuse for your own. This is wrong. Do what you know to be right.

    This is like saying, "Jim killed my family, so I'm going to kill his." NO. Right is right and wrong is wrong.

    Be better than them. Care MORE than they do. That is what makes you a better person.

    Live for your Dad. It would destroy him if you died. Hold onto that and don't let go. My Dad died and I can tell you that I would give almost anything just to talk to him again for 5 minutes :( I'm certain that your Dad feels the same about you.

    Rise above those fucks who don't care about you and make a decision not to let them determine what you do with your own life. You can do this.
  7. SoulRiser

    SoulRiser Well-Known Member

    It's possible that they do actually care, but have no clue how to show it. Most people are notoriously bad at dealing with things they don't understand, and if they don't understand how you feel, they won't know what to do or how to do it.

    Then again, maybe they are really just saying that. If that's the case,...

    Good luck :)
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.