Is this common?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by anon-alex, Mar 2, 2011.

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  1. anon-alex

    anon-alex Member

    Before I start, I mean no offence in any way to anyone who may feel suicidal for real reasons.

    Anyway, as you might have guessed from my first line, I think about death quite a lot. I fantasize about killing myself all the time, and always think that if someone was to offer me a sure-fire way of dying, then I'd probably just take it. I've read enough of other peoples posts to know that this is common, but it's my reasoning that I'm not sure of.

    Most people kill themselves out of depression or hopelessness (or so I'm assuming, like I said, no offence if I'm way off the mark), right? I'm perfectly happy. I'm young, fit, with no real problems to speak of, and I just feel like there is no point in living.

    In short, I have no reason to want to end my life, I just do. Anyone else feel this way? Or, you know. If you don't, do you notice that other people do?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    wow your distorted thinking has got you believing you are happy but no You are not well or happy if you want out you need to talk to someone about these thoughts okay get you thinking clearer hugs
  3. anon-alex

    anon-alex Member

    I'm not happy? I feel happy, isn't that what matters? I don't really want to talk to anyone I know about this, I wouldn't feel comfortable at all. That's why I'm here, thanks for yours and anyone else who posts' help.
  4. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Surely happiness implies purpose - and I guess its hard to see why anyone with a purpose in life would want to end it?

    I'm not sure how you can feel happy and think about dying to the point were you'd take up death if offered some easy chance.

    Surely, something must be bugging you.
  5. anon-alex

    anon-alex Member

    I don't think happiness does imply purpose. I don't feel like I have purpose but I get happiness/entertainment from little things.
  6. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Alex, I think I know what you mean.

    For years, I've felt something driving me to die. It's not that I'm trying to escape from despair or immense suffering, it's not a reaction to anything, it's simply that I have a strong desire to die, independent of my life circumstances. It's as if non-existence is an ultimate goal in and of itself for me.

    Hard to explain, harder still to understand, but I hope it maybe resonates with you a bit?

    How can you determine that his thinking is "distorted," and that he's not really happy even when he claims to be, from a single forum post? You must be one hell of a psychoanalyst.

    Ever hear the phrase "happier than a pig in shit"? I think it's possible for a person to be totally happy and content with what they have, without needing some grand purpose or goal behind it all. I, for one, have never felt this need for "purpose" that everyone always insists is universal.
  7. anon-alex

    anon-alex Member

    I think I do see what you're saying, you're explaining how I feel, to an extent.

    I think my suicide will be leisurely, since I'm in no rush to die, as I'm not trying to escape from anything. I could see myself setting a date for my death (say a month or year away), and having as much fun as I can before that date, and then finally killing myself happily and with no second thoughts or regrets, probably even looking forward to the final moment.

    I've been thinking more about it since I originally posted and I can't help but think one of the reasons I want to die is because it's something exciting, something that no matter what I do, life can never offer me.

    Ideally I'd prefer not to die whilst my mum's still around, since I know how much she cares. As soon as she's gone, though, I'll probably go through with all of this.

    I love your final paragraph. As odd as it sounds, I've never thought about purpose before. I mean, I've thought about the point, and one could argue that it's the same thing, but... the idea that there need be no purpose or goal is fresh to me, and I like it.

    Forgive me if I'm making no sense, but it's 3:25AM, and I never do when I gets to this time of night, but I'd like to mention something else whilst it's on my mind. Since, in my mind, death is a positive thing, eternal nothingness and all that, there is absolutely no downside to killing myself. Leading up to the moment I will be happy, and even if being dead isn't all I had thought it could be, I'll never even be aware of that fact.
  8. Mortal Moon

    Mortal Moon Well-Known Member

    Makes perfect sense to me.
  9. depressedkitty

    depressedkitty Active Member

    Makes sense to me. I am happy but I want to die too. I blame the ritalin for causing this aspect of myself even though I am not on ritalin anymore.
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