Is this considered normal??

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Crazy Cat, Oct 8, 2016.

  1. Crazy Cat

    Crazy Cat Member

    1. 1. I get on average 6-7 hours sleep a night (for which I'm immensely grateful for.)

      2. I wake up & go about my daily business... I laugh, interact, have fun and do my job well.

      3. Then out of the blue, I'm flooded with this overwhelming sense that something is wrong...that I'm broken. There's too much pain and confusion & I'm beyond repair.

      4. I feel overwhelmed thinking about everything: my dad, the attack, my mum, my brothers (1 who murdered my dad in front of me when I was 10 & the other who sexually abused me from 8 - 10), the abuse, what I've processed, what I haven't, WHAT AND WHO I've lost as a result of all of these events.

      5. I feel like someone has shattered my life into a million pieces & I'm left desperately trying to pick up the pieces and make them whole again.

      5. But its impossible. Im fighting a losing battle. No-one understands. I feel alone & hopeless.

      6. I want to escape the feelings but know I can't.

      7. I feel sorry for myself (I'm the Queen of pity parties!). I get teary.

      8. I think about the different ways I can escape but none of them will erase the pain.

      9. I think about dying.. and the thought of escaping the heartache and confusion is appealing. I think about doing it in a nice way and writing letters to my loved ones explaining its not they're fault..blah blah blah.

      10. I know they'd be devastated. I tell myself to stop being stupid. Maybe its all in my head. I just need to stop over thinking and over analysing every aspect of my life.

      11. I steal some time alone to gather my thoughts.

      12. I talk to God & listen to music to find solace.

      13. I start thinking about all of the positives things in my life (of which they're are many) and tell myself to harden up..after all..everyone has issues. I just need to suck it up.

      14. I pick myself up, dust myself off and get back to doing what I was doing..

      15. It takes everything within me, but I succeed... albeit feeling exhausted.

      This happens several times a day until its time to go to bed....I wake up the next day & repeat.

      Sometimes I accept this is 'my lot in life' & sometimes I want to surrender to the pain and heartache by ending it all. Is this normal?
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Hi Crazy Cat,

    To me, there is no definition of normal. What makes you think that anything you do is not normal? Are you comparing yourself to anyone else? We all go through different experiences. I lead a pretty good life these days and can manage my mental illness most of the time with success. But there are days when I'm overwhelmed, feel alone and hopeless, shattered and the strong need to escape too. Little things devastate me too. This is all part of depression in my case. But I do the same as you, I look for some gratitude, I do what I can to feel well, I take time alone or with the dogs for a walk in the woods to feel better. Sometimes I also repeat this pattern for a few days. To me, this is my life, but I accept it as part of managing things.
  3. Heath2016

    Heath2016 Member

    Nope, this does not sound normal.

    The weight you have been able to carry on your shoulders and keep going is anything goes but normal. "Normal" people are not that strong.

    Your story is inspirational.
    Cicada 3301, Crazy Cat and Petal like this.
  4. Crazy Cat

    Crazy Cat Member

    Thanks Heath! I definitely don't feel inspirational, for me its more a matter of survival. The last 6 months have been the hardest since my teenage years. I feel like I'm right back to where I was after believing I had come so far. It's depressing. Plus my mum just had a stroke recently and the thought of losing her is unbearable. She was also attacked by my brother and although she suffered multiple stab wounds she survived. I don't know how I'd go on without her.
  5. Crazy Cat

    Crazy Cat Member

    Does medication help? I'm currently not on any but my GP is encouraging me to. I just don't want this to be my life. The last 20 years have been amazing with none (or at least few) of these symptoms. Im so confused as to why this is happening now.
  6. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Medication didn't work for me but it helps many others. Maybe meds will work for you? I use natural methods to help me.