1. I get on average 6-7 hours sleep a night (for which I'm immensely grateful for.) 2. I wake up & go about my daily business... I laugh, interact, have fun and do my job well. 3. Then out of the blue, I'm flooded with this overwhelming sense that something is wrong...that I'm broken. There's too much pain and confusion & I'm beyond repair. 4. I feel overwhelmed thinking about everything: my dad, the attack, my mum, my brothers (1 who murdered my dad in front of me when I was 10 & the other who sexually abused me from 8 - 10), the abuse, what I've processed, what I haven't, WHAT AND WHO I've lost as a result of all of these events. 5. I feel like someone has shattered my life into a million pieces & I'm left desperately trying to pick up the pieces and make them whole again. 5. But its impossible. Im fighting a losing battle. No-one understands. I feel alone & hopeless. 6. I want to escape the feelings but know I can't. 7. I feel sorry for myself (I'm the Queen of pity parties!). I get teary. 8. I think about the different ways I can escape but none of them will erase the pain. 9. I think about dying.. and the thought of escaping the heartache and confusion is appealing. I think about doing it in a nice way and writing letters to my loved ones explaining its not they're fault..blah blah blah. 10. I know they'd be devastated. I tell myself to stop being stupid. Maybe its all in my head. I just need to stop over thinking and over analysing every aspect of my life. 11. I steal some time alone to gather my thoughts. 12. I talk to God & listen to music to find solace. 13. I start thinking about all of the positives things in my life (of which they're are many) and tell myself to harden up..after all..everyone has issues. I just need to suck it up. 14. I pick myself up, dust myself off and get back to doing what I was doing.. 15. It takes everything within me, but I succeed... albeit feeling exhausted. This happens several times a day until its time to go to bed....I wake up the next day & repeat. Sometimes I accept this is 'my lot in life' & sometimes I want to surrender to the pain and heartache by ending it all. Is this normal?