Is this considered rape or sexual assault? *Triggering*

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Black-Rose-Rainbow-4357, Feb 21, 2012.

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  1. I was eleven years old and I was in my supposed "friends" pool. I was wearing a new bikini that I felt really good about, but I was also wearing a t shirt and shorts to cover it. Advice from my mother, that at the time I thought was unneccasary, but I now thank her for in my mind every time I think back to that day. We were swimming from side to side in the pool and racing. I was laughing and smiling proudly as I was winning every time. I thought at the time I was a fast swimmer, but it turned out that it wasn't fast enough. I didn't realize his anger until we stopped for a break and he glared angrily at me. "I'm going to grab your b**bs." He said in a determined tone and I stared at him, my grin slowly fading. "Cut it out, ____. No you're not. That's not funny." He moved closer to me and did as he said he was going to do. I was confused but all I knew was that he was about to try it again. I pushed at him quickly and proceeded to swim away, but he grabbed me and did it again. How many times, I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to. Finally I kicked him hard square in the gutt and he fell back. I scrambled out of the pool and ran through his yard to my own, which happened to be right behind his. As I ran past my mother she saw the tears but recognized them only as water. I ran into the house and immediatley got into the shower, scrubbing myself with hot water until my skin was red raw. I had a horrific need to get this boys hands off of me. I felt dirty, confused and hurt. That was all I knew. I decided I wouldn't tell anyone. I pretended for a long time this didn't happen. That is until he did it again.
    Now I was two years older, 13 and as old as I am right now. This happened in the fall of 2011. Because I had decided to forget it had happened I was okay with going into the woods with this boy. He hadn't done anything since then to prove to me that he was bad. I'd figured that on that day he had just been p*ssed off and confused. I hadn't forgiven him, and the flashbacks were still clean in my mind, coming to me in the form of nightmares on random nights. As we walked into the woods there was a swamp that he and I had to walk over, and he taught me the way across. We went into the woods and looked around for a while, admiring the stream that had caused the swamp. After a while he sat down in an old lawn chair and I had picked a spot under a large tree. I closed my eyes and drifted into a light sleep. I was awoken by the feeling of a shadow looming over me. I opened my eyes and looked up to see him looking down at me. I smiled smally up at him and he made a quickk move, pinning my arm to the tree. He used the hand that wasn't restraining me to pull my sweatpants and underwear down. He put his fingers... In me. When I looked up in surprise at him his eyes reminded me of an animal and I screamed. If I didn't scream I don't think he would ever have stopped and I might have gotten raped. I pushed him away and pulled my pants up quickly, running to the swamp. I couldn't pick my way across, there were too many tears to see through. I sobbed harder, realizing he was probably right behind me. He picked me up and carried me across, the whole time his finger was halfway up my butt through my pants. When we got across I pushed him away and ran to the exit of the woods. As I ran down the street he called after me "Are you mad?"

    I'm sorry this was so long but I needed to get this off my chest. The only people I've ever told are my boyfriend, my best friend and my therapist. I've never told any of them the full story. I don't know if this is considered rape as it was only his finger, or just sexual abuse. I'd like to know, just for the sake of knowing. Thank you for listening to me rant.
     
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I think it's sexual assault and I'm really sorry that you had to go through this. It's good that you have told your therapist because they will be able to help you work through this. I wish there was more I could say to make you feel better, but just know that we are all here for you and always willing to listen. :hug:
     
  3. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    That is sexual assault :hug: I am so sorry you had to go through any of that. I know there isnt really anything I can say that would make it better, but if you ever need someone to talk to just send me a pm.
     
  4. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    But definition,. sexual assault but I really consider it myself as rape. I'm sorry you had to go through this :( :hug:
     
  5. Chocolate Heartache

    Chocolate Heartache Active Member

    It's sexual assault, but that doesn't make it any easier for you than it being rape - it was obviously traumatic to you, regardless of what it's named, and I'm so sorry it happened to you. I'm glad you have a therapist you can open up to and I hope it helps xx
     
  6. Emily Rose

    Emily Rose Member

    Hello :)

    What happened to you was indeed sexual assault. :sorry:
    Defenition:
    sex·u·al as·sault
    1.forced sexual contact: an incident that involves sexual contact that is forced on somebody

    You didn't ask for any of that to happen nor did you want it. You stopped it from going further which proves your self defense. I'm so sorry for what has happened to you and it's my advice that you stay away from this guy. Hanging out with him again isn't smart and who knows what could happen and it's telling him that everything is ok. It's not and you need to let him know that by avoiding him at all cause. Let your parents know and possibly his. After you talk to your parent's first, of course. You are a very strong person to deal with this and just don't let it affect your life :) Live happy and follow your dreams and you can't let anyone slow you down. Your still young and have your whole life ahead of you! Go ahead and live. :) I hope you have a great day and this post helped alittle bit. :girlpower

    ~Emily Rose
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 13, 2012
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