When I was in high school, I was a pretty happy kid. However, occasionally little things would bring me down temporarily - not getting much sleep, getting a bad grade, fighting with my parents about whether or not I could go out, etc. Whenever something like this happened, I would simply pretend I was happy, and say and do things that I would normally do when I was in a good mood. Within 5 minutes I'd have my brain tricked and I would be back to my normal cheerful self. I'd gotten to be quite a master of my own emotions, and my friends often told me they were jealous that I could be so happy all the time. Well now I've been in college for a couple years and I've steadily become more and more depressed. I'm just constantly overwhelmed and upset, have started pushing away friends, daydream about suicide, etc etc. Anyways, whenever I'm around my 'friends' (they're more like acquaintances now really) I always fall back into my old habit of pretending to be happy. Sometimes it kind of works, and I spike up temporarily, but usually I just feel really empty inside. And after I leave them and drop the facade, I fall back into my depression, and I usually feel worse than I did before. On the outside I guess I'm still convincing, since people continue to tell me I'm such a happy, smiley person - one girl even told me the other day that I was like 'an excited little puppy.' I guess I just want to know if this is healthy. It worked flawlessly in high school, but now it just seems to make things worse. Of course, if I drop the acting, what will I act like around people.. .the upset, weak person I know inside of me? I feel like the happy person is who I really am, that person has just gone away for awhile. Will pretending to be that person help bring it back? Like a mind over illness kind of thing? But if the illness is in the mind then.......... I don't know where I'm going with this:huh:. help me??