Thinking. Always thinking. It never stops. I can't stop it. This thought though is the problem. It appears without warning. It beckons: Kill me. Today my nervous habit of talkin to myself in public had me mouthing those words in public. A car sped in front of me & I wish I had thrown myself in front of it. As soon as I saw the car I thought that I deserve a painful death. I thought about how I have never known true agony, and how I think I should. I think these thoughts are not normal because I believe that I am insane & I deserve to die.