my last thread was horrible. but its gotten worse. i feel like i cant talk to anyone anymore. the relationship with my boyfriend got so bad. he was emotionally abusive. i made a horrible choice of blocking him from facebook and changing my number without breaking up with him officially. i was afraid of what he would say. this came back to haunt me. i was really drunk at an adult christmas party with my mom. he made a fake facebook and posed as someone else. he later revealed himself and said he never loved me, said he used me, no one would ever love me, and he cheated on me 11 times. i lost my mind and tookxxxx. sadly i didnt die. as time goes on i really want to. my license is suspended. its my senior year and i have no one. and outside school, my friendships fell apart. my friend since i was three cut me out of her life. my other best friend since fourth grade cut me out of her life. my friends were just alcoholic users. they used me for my car, my access to alcohol, and to drive drunk because i admit im good at. but i wanted to stop eventually. and they kept forcing me to drive. i know its my choice but i would get screamed at. and i just wanna please people. my friend promised to drive there and back when they all wanted to go to atlantic city. we all wound up drinking. she made me drive home drunk on a suspended. my mom later found out. i have no friends and just spent new years eve alone. i was snowed in last week and am starting to develop an eating disorder. i spend all night examining the flaws in my body. ive recently started to make myself puke. i do it when i eat a shitload of food at once. its like a cant stop. i want more and more and more and when im finally full i dont want it anymore i just wanna get rid of it. i starve myself till i can eat a whole house. the worst most terrifying part is that i threw up straight up dark red blood and kept going. i spent new years alone throwing up and crying. im so lonely. and hurt by my "friends". i wish i died when i overdosed. can someone please help me. i go to therapy it doesnt work. im so bipolar i cant keep up with myself anymore im in the fucking passengers seat. its not fair. i wanna be happy like everyone else.