is this it? im only 18.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wheres_The_Light, Jan 1, 2011.

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  1. my last thread was horrible. but its gotten worse. i feel like i cant talk to anyone anymore. the relationship with my boyfriend got so bad. he was emotionally abusive. i made a horrible choice of blocking him from facebook and changing my number without breaking up with him officially. i was afraid of what he would say. this came back to haunt me. i was really drunk at an adult christmas party with my mom. he made a fake facebook and posed as someone else. he later revealed himself and said he never loved me, said he used me, no one would ever love me, and he cheated on me 11 times. i lost my mind and tookxxxx. sadly i didnt die. as time goes on i really want to. my license is suspended. its my senior year and i have no one. and outside school, my friendships fell apart. my friend since i was three cut me out of her life. my other best friend since fourth grade cut me out of her life. my friends were just alcoholic users. they used me for my car, my access to alcohol, and to drive drunk because i admit im good at. but i wanted to stop eventually. and they kept forcing me to drive. i know its my choice but i would get screamed at. and i just wanna please people. my friend promised to drive there and back when they all wanted to go to atlantic city. we all wound up drinking. she made me drive home drunk on a suspended. my mom later found out. i have no friends and just spent new years eve alone. i was snowed in last week and am starting to develop an eating disorder. i spend all night examining the flaws in my body. ive recently started to make myself puke. i do it when i eat a shitload of food at once. its like a cant stop. i want more and more and more and when im finally full i dont want it anymore i just wanna get rid of it. i starve myself till i can eat a whole house. the worst most terrifying part is that i threw up straight up dark red blood and kept going. i spent new years alone throwing up and crying. im so lonely. and hurt by my "friends". i wish i died when i overdosed. can someone please help me. i go to therapy it doesnt work. im so bipolar i cant keep up with myself anymore im in the fucking passengers seat. its not fair. i wanna be happy like everyone else.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2011
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    So sorry things have gotten so bad...but I am glad that you there anyone you can speak to about what you are doing? also, please continue to tell us what is going on for you...there are many of us here who can relate...big hugs, J
  3. azrael316

    azrael316 Member

    ok honey first up... your boyfriend is a nutjob pure and simple... love sucks sometimes, trust me i know. i know this sounds hard but you have to get past him, he is not worth it.

    so he SAID all that stuff doesnt mean its true people say shit when theyre hurting thats how some people cope.... anyway doesnt it reflect more on him and what he's like..... you are better off without him.

    driving drunk and on a suspended licence was a bad choice but you know what... you are still young and you will make bad choices thats all part of the journey we all do stipid stuff as long as you learned from it...its no big deal.

    as for your eating disorder..... hmmm not sure i know what to say but i bet there is nothing really wrong its just the demons in your head talking...and demons (like that piece of garbage you called a bf) are not worth your time.

    you sound like a nice person who got a bit confused....if you need to talk we are all here....

    and not everyone is as condersending as i come across
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun the friends you lost were not real friends because if they were they would still be help you. Time to make NEw friends okay join new clubs take new classes get out of the box you are in okay. Suspended license okay look at it noone was injuried no one died just a lesson okay soon you will have it back and life will go on. Talk to a councillor okay get help talking helps okay so please reach out to teacher anyone you trust I am glad you are talking here keep doing so okay hugs to you :hugtackles::hugtackles::hugtackles:
  5. i talk to a therapist no one helps i tried overdosing last month and it didnt work.
  6. if any of you have good advice you can message me id love to hear it
  7. TakeThisLife

    TakeThisLife Active Member

    :hug: sorry to hear this :(
    I kind of know how you feel about some of this :( I have a therapist too and they don't help me either, but you need to try and get someone that can help you, have you tried samaritans?
    Take care x x x x
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If the people you have for support are not helping you then reach out to other people okay. Crisis line have help me perhaps they can give you some ideas or resources to go to that will help take care
  9. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi. Driving drunk with a suspended license is a sure fire way of ending up in jail if you're pulled over by the cops or worse yet, killing yourself or innocent people in a car crash. Please don't do that again, no matter how much your 'friends' beg you. Also, if you can avoid developing an eating disorder, that would make life easier. Just eat many smaller portions instead of a few large portions and don't throw the food up. It might be a good time to start making new friends and cut those losers out of your life. :hug:
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