Is this melodramatic?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by theonesatinthecorner, Apr 26, 2016.

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  1. theonesatinthecorner

    theonesatinthecorner In armour, I fight battles; I must win this war

    I have looked for help for several years now, receiving little or none. It is difficult, I don't want to sound like I am crying out for attention, but then I need the help. It's taken courage to even get to this point, I don't like talking to people about things like this. Yet I don't think I am ready to die.

    My problem I suppose is that I have many physical curses. That is what I call them, curses. Because there is no better way to describe them. I have a total of 15 medical conditions, that's just the physical stuff. I also have the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, though my psychiatrist would not diagnose this. Why? because I am 'functional'. Except he has absolutely no idea.

    I don't want to be diagnosed with anything. I don't want to be labelled - but then this is the only way to get help it seems. I have fought for help, been refused and laughed at and mocked by the medical system. Just the whole system in general really.

    I am sick of fighting, I am sick of trying.

    I just want someone who understands - someone who is not so emotionally involved that every time I talk about [self-mutilation] they cry and refuse to think rationally, or offer me any form of real advice beyond 'well that will damage your health'. I am smart (well, sort of). I KNOW it will damage my health. That is why I want to do it....

    I am sorry if this is against the rules. I just need a place to vent or I know for sure that my mind will just explode and kill me.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    No, it isn't melodramatic. Sounds like part of what you need is for someone to listen and not judge or put you down. I'm glad you joined, here if you feel like talking.
     
  3. theonesatinthecorner

    theonesatinthecorner In armour, I fight battles; I must win this war

    Thank you. I do need to talk, but then I don't know how to talk. I don't know what to say that will make the situation better - or rather help me to cope more. I just do not know.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, no not melodramatic at all. You have a right to feel how you do. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, I hate the stigma around it but without the diagnosis I wouldn't have been chosen for DBT therapy so perhaps it was a blessing in disguise. I really hope you can find someone who understands in the medical profession, why did they laugh and mock you? Fuck the haters and concentrate on getting yourself physically and mentally well, you owe it to yourself to give yourself another chance. Do what you feel is right. Do you plan on reaching out for more professional help? I think you just posting here shows you have strength and courage! (hugs) to you and I hope you find the light soon. Well done on building up the courage to post here, there are some amazing people here, I think you will definitely benefit from this community, we also have a chat room if you want to chat in real time!
     
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    No, this was not melodramatic. Your feelings and frustrations are very valid!

    I'm sorry you feel this way and have been unlucky when you've sought help. Especially with mental health it's a very delicate and sometimes it might feel shameful to ask for help... so I'm sorry you were not met the way you wanted to be.

    I hope you keep reaching out for help, and I am crossing my fingers you find what you need! You need, and you deserve it!
     
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