I have looked for help for several years now, receiving little or none. It is difficult, I don't want to sound like I am crying out for attention, but then I need the help. It's taken courage to even get to this point, I don't like talking to people about things like this. Yet I don't think I am ready to die. My problem I suppose is that I have many physical curses. That is what I call them, curses. Because there is no better way to describe them. I have a total of 15 medical conditions, that's just the physical stuff. I also have the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, though my psychiatrist would not diagnose this. Why? because I am 'functional'. Except he has absolutely no idea. I don't want to be diagnosed with anything. I don't want to be labelled - but then this is the only way to get help it seems. I have fought for help, been refused and laughed at and mocked by the medical system. Just the whole system in general really. I am sick of fighting, I am sick of trying. I just want someone who understands - someone who is not so emotionally involved that every time I talk about [self-mutilation] they cry and refuse to think rationally, or offer me any form of real advice beyond 'well that will damage your health'. I am smart (well, sort of). I KNOW it will damage my health. That is why I want to do it.... I am sorry if this is against the rules. I just need a place to vent or I know for sure that my mind will just explode and kill me.