Is this normal?

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by thesilence, Mar 31, 2007.

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  1. thesilence

    thesilence Guest

    I've had kind of a fucked up life I guess... My father was a druggie and verbally abused me...when he wasn't fighting with my mom, who left when I was father found a girlfriend who delighted in beating my brother and me....whose best friend molested me for two years, when I was 7 and 8. I told my father dozens of times...but he never believed me.

    My mom had man problems and every new boyfriend was my "new father" because I wasn't allowed to see my actual one once she got custody and found out about the molestation and abuse. It took along time for me to come back into my spirit...they had reduced me to (to be metaphorical) a scared but obedient puppy, completely unquestioning and shy (I'm very outgoing and loud and always have been)

    My mother is very mentally unstable and prone to verbal outbursts or abuse and snapping for no reason, I walked on eggshells. My mother remarried and divorced twice after my dad, one guy she went back to for a couple of months. Divorce doesn't bother me anymore. Verbal abuse doesn't bother me anymore.

    When I was 14 I started dating a guy who slapped me around a little bit...but it grew from playful to angry and from smacking to griding my butt and thighs into barbed wire....I left him, but physical abuse doesn't bother me anymore.

    Shortly after one of his buddies caught me in a public forest near my school and raped me...last june, while my estranged father and I were house sitting, the couples 20 year old raped me while he was father made me go back the next night and he groped me a little bit...Rape doesn't bother me anymore.

    My best friend died in a drunk driving accident when I was 9. My father told me I wasn't allowed to cry. My great gram died when I was 14, my mother supported herself on me, and I wasn't allowed to cry. My grandfather died when I was 15, again my mother leaned on me...and an old and close family friend died when I was 16, I wasn't allowed to go to the funeral and didn't cry. Death doesn't bother me anymore.

    When I tell my close friends that these things...were they to happen again, when they happened the last time...didn't really hurt or bother me, they get freaked out...and I was wondering if it's normal or not?

    Any suggestions?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun, everyone of the events you have mentioned are traumas. The mind has different mechanisms for dealing with traumas and one of them is to disassociate itself from the event. You are feeling like you don't care but somewhere in your head is a very hurt and angry little girl.
    What you have gone thru requires professional help, a therapist to walk thru these awful events with you to be angry with you, to make it safe for you to face the emotions these events and traumas must have stirred in you.
    Please try to find a counsellor and or therapist to help you face it all because cutting off your emotions will lead to feelings of numbness and depression.
  3. Scum

    Scum Well-Known Member

    I absolutely agree with all of this. Terry is totally right about it all.

    your brain is protecting your by pretending you don't care. Most likely at some point it will catch up with you, and ideally you need to have support and help before this happens.

    You have been through an awful lot and a therapist could really benefit you. A good place to start is the doctor. But also there will be charities and other organisations around that could help.

    Take care of yourself
  4. Stylez

    Stylez Well-Known Member

    Wow...I feel so sad for you...noone deserves to go through this....Stay strong
  5. Hereforyou

    Hereforyou Active Member


    Jeez man people piss me off I CANT STAND people that harm others WHY? I am really infuriated and saddened for you. I really want to cry for you. I cant ever imagine how all these horrible things happen to a person much that they just accept it. Please go see a therapist, there is many unsolved issues in your life that need to been untangled. Damn... I wish i could do somethin.. i feel so helpless.

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