This isn't about my behaviour it's about what's happening in my life at the moment. I think I'm being a bit defeatist and pessimistic but I'm finding it hard to be positive when all my friends seem to be doing so well. I finished uni last year. I did a double degree with psyc and english (with english honours). I indulged in some travelling with my family over the summer (which is december-jan for us) and when I got back I was so annoyed with myself. I didn't have a job lined up. I'd run my bank account down to nothing overseas (I had to borrow money as well). I hated that; it ruined the rest of my trip and I just wanted to work and feel safer knowing I had money in my account. The day we returned I went into my casual job (where i'd worked weekends over my degree) and asked if they could give me as many shifts as possible till I find something else. That was the end of January. I'm still there. I've been looking for work for 8 months. I have applied for job after job after job and haven't even made it to an interview. I'm pretty sure my resume is ok. I just don't know why I'm not getting anything. My job now is so meaningless and boring. I work with high school kids who don't appreciate the work, which makes me feel even less satisfied with the work I do. It's repetitive and mundane and my skills are going to waste. Friends who have made it in the working world or who are still studying and have their lives planned out often make comment about the "real" work they have to do, as if I've chosen some cruisy cushy job to slack off. I understand that they're frustrated and stuff at their job but it just makes me feel little. I had left my hometown and gone to Canberra to do my degree. I'm now back home (in sydney) and it's as if I never went to uni or achieved anything after high school. Except that i'm 23 and all my friends are working full time, earning double the money or more than me and will, in time, get raises and work their way up. I'm gay as well, and never came out. At this stage I've just pushed it to the side and I'm not dealing with it. I don't have time for that kind of honesty; it's too costly. That said, I'm getting tired of being alone. I've been single for 7 years now. Maybe the problem is my attitude but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that i'm not comfortable with who I am. I'm surprised the people at my church haven't figured it out, since I don't pretend I'm straight (I'm just not open about my sexuality because i'd have to leave). Not many people understand why I don't just leave. I guess I just don't know what I'd do without those people. I love them and I worry about who I'd be without them. I was hoping to move back to Canberra (I have some supportive friends there who know all my ins and outs and still love me) and work there but so much else is happening that I don't even have time to get there now. My private health fund has been rejecting claims, I've been ill in the stomach for a long time and the doctors have told me there's nothing they can do for me, I wrecked my parents' car and owe them money for that and the trip overseas... I want to write. I want to help people. I want to do both but it seems like I can only choose one. I'm not sure if I wanna chase up the psychology or english and my ambivalence has put things off (maybe even deterred employers taking me on). It's hard for me to see any accomplishment of that. If I'm going to stay all single, repressed and in a mcjob forever I don't see why I should carry on. It's all too exhausting and i don't know what to do anymore. I guess amongst all this crapping on my question is, is it normal for me to find getting a job so hard? It's nearly been a year.. I'm really scared employers will start wondering why I haven't worked in the field of psyc or english from the get-go. Have others experienced this? I'm sure they have but I just need to hear it, I dunno. A lot of my friends around here just exacerbate my fear. They try to help but their empathy just makes me feel more desperate about my situation.