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Is this normal?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by feathers, Aug 6, 2010.

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  1. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I never have middle ground. I'm either top of the world and my confidence is through the roof, (I get told off for being egotistical, often get upset if I'm not the best at certain things, like if I'm not my boyfriend's best ever girlfriend, or best ever at certain things in relationships). Like I get like this and I think I'm great, seriously. It's probably really annoying to everyone around me, in fact it is I have been told so. Too much confidence. Feel gorgeous, see myself in the mirror as gorgeous etc etc.

    But then I can go from that, to crashing really hard. Feeling like the worst thing in the world. To the point where I get so self conscious of myself I can't even look in the mirror without crying, I can't myself naked without wanting to just die. And if that isn't happening, I'm depressed. Suicidal, self harming, basically my world comes crashing down, even if there's apparently nothing wrong.

    And the thing is, I can go from one to the other in a day. Like, earlier, I was feeling pretty good in the morning. But by afternoon, I was feeling absolutely horrendous, near panic attack when I made a doctors appointment (I'm scared of going to the doctors in case I don't get taken seriously) and simply just wanting to die again. But then I got home, cut, and suddenly I'm top of the world again and my confidence is amazing.

    The sudden jumps from one to the other like a subliming element cause so much confusion amongst my friends and my boyfriend. And I also think it's pretty unhealthy going from such extremes.

    Thanks in advance for replies.

    K x
  2. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    Nope, not normal.

    Would look into with your doctor.
  3. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the reply, I'm seeing my doctor next Thursday so I will
  4. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    To me, it sounds like you have confidence at the beginning of the day (and there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do in the morning feeling on top of the world, and in control of your life is a great feeling without pathologising it)- you just feel good, nothing wrong with that- and then maybe when you go out, you get more nervous and insecure. It might be a type of anxiety. You have self belief in the morning, and that gets eroded through the day when you're out in public.

    Maybe you feel safer at home, where you feel you aren't being judged harshly as such? :dunno:

    When it comes to mood swings-so many things are not seen by doctors, so many things effect self esteem and mood- if you feel good about yourself you will feel like you do in the morning. If you don't, you'll feel depressed and self destructive.

    Do you feel self conscious out in public, and do you feel safer at home? What you are describing sounds very distressing, and as to your question, no I don't think it's normal for you to suffer the way you do.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 7, 2010
  5. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Hi Kazine,

    I can completely relate to that. Everything in my life can seem great one minute, doing things effortlessly and good ideas (or at least at the time it seems like good ideas) come with ease. I feel confident and as though I can do anything. But that feeling can quickly disappear and be replaced by frustration and despair at how badly my life has turned out.

    I think the main frustration for at all these mood swings is that I don't feel in control and I don't like that one bit.

    As for what it is - I suspect it may be rapid cycling bipolar disorder, but I don't have any history in my family of this disorder. I have a history of depression in my family though, so I don't know.

    Best thing I guess, as Fawkes pointed out, is to go and see a doctor and I'm glad to hear you're going. Should maybe take my own advice and go back to my psych as well.

    Best of luck! And keep us updated on how it went.
  6. jenniferelaine

    jenniferelaine Well-Known Member

    This armchair psychiatrist says: sounds like rapid-cycling bipolar.
  7. kyle88

    kyle88 Well-Known Member

    You're Bi-Polar... (I suffer from the same thing)
  8. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    This sounds like myself but I am not bipolar, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The cutting is a big factor in it for me, cutting and suicidal thoughts. Anyhoo, it's good that you are going to talk to your doctor about it as a doctor would know best what is going on...

    Let us know how it turns out if you feel comfortable.

    Take care.
  9. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I've got the doctors on thursday but I'm a bit scared how it'll turn out because last time I went in with a depressive episode I wasn't taken very seriously at all even though I was self harming and was horribly suicidal :( more so than i've ever been, and i'm scared of how much it'll fuck with me if i'm not taken seriously again

    but thank you all for your replies, i will definitely post again after my appointment
  10. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Ultra-rapid cycling bipolar, even. I have the regular rapid cycling type and an episode per month is brutal, I can't imagine two episodes per day.

    I've begun managing it (I believe quite effectively, I've only been doing it for a couple months) by the ideas laid out here: http://psycheducation.org/depression/darkrx.htm In short, being in a completely dark room for the same 10 hours every day can be highly effective for treating bipolar - perhaps even more than medication.

    I don't know if that would work for ultra-rapid cycling, though. But it's worth a try, being free, harmless, and potentially better than medication.
  11. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    I don't mean it's every day like, it's mostly only when I'm going through a phase of depression which I've had about 8 or 9 of in the last 5 years. My confidence is usually pretty high when I'm out of these depressions and the lows aren't nearly as bad

    Thanks for your reply, and the link was very interesting
  12. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    My episodes only happen when I go through really rough times as well. When things get super stressful in my life that's when I react in the manner you speak of. I can go from A-OK in 1 hour to super messed up and cutting, thinking irrationally about suicide etc.. the next hour and back to normal within another couple of hours. Scares the shit out of me because I am normally a rational and logical thinker.

    Looking forward to reading more about what happens after your next appointment and I truely hope they take you very seriously. :hug: If they do not take you seriously there, do you think you could go to a hospital emerg and speak to someone there for a second opinion maybe?

    I recently wasn't receiving the amount of care I needed from my pdoc and I ended up in emerg at a hospital in the city and got help that I desperately needed.
  13. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    oh, ok, thank you for your reply
  14. Infinite Sadness

    Infinite Sadness Well-Known Member

    It's no problem at all.. :)
  15. Remedy

    Remedy Chat & Forum Buddy

    I'm really glad you've posted this because it sounds a lot like me...
    really happy with myself and the world one minute ... and then going to hating everything the next.
    Has caused a lot of problems...

    Feel free to drop me a PM if you'd like to talk.
  16. feathers

    feathers Well-Known Member

    Remedy have you seen anyone about it?

    Thanks for your reply
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