I would really like your opinions please. A while ago I was forced upon a guy I knew (I don’t speak to him anymore), but as worthless and horrible as it made me feel I do not know if it is classed as rape. I liked him and I had kissed him before, however I had bluntly stated to him that I wouldn’t sleep with him. I don’t know if this had made it seem like a ‘challenge’ to him but he had no chance. One night I was at a club and he was there too, I was sober as I was driving but he was a bit tipsy. He said his friends had left him and could I give him a lift home, as I was driving others too I said yes. After I had dropped the others off I dropped him off. He asked if I wanted to come in for a chat. I know it was naïve and I've paid heavily for it, but I went in (we were quite good friends too and it was his parents house so wasn’t expecting him to try anything). We went into the kitchen and were talking for a while, just having a laugh about the night. He had a parrot and it suddenly started making lots of noise so he said we should go talk upstairs. I know warning bells should have rang but we were having a laugh and he already knew that I wasn’t going to do anything, let alone sleep with him. We went upstairs and sat in his bedroom whispering and having a laugh, so we didn’t wake his mum up. It is mostly a blur after that, I don’t know if I have blocked it out or what. I remember him asking for a kiss and I said no I had to get home (I still lived with my parents then), and he said how could I go out dressed like I was and not expect him to want anything from me (I was wearing a vest top and trousers). Then I remember he had dropped him trousers and he said to me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the room until I gave him a ‘blow job’, I thought he was joking and laughed but he wasn’t. He pushed me on the bed and put his hands in my trousers, he was quite heavy and there wasn’t much I could do to stop him. I froze because I didn’t know what to do. Then I remember he took off my trousers and put himself in me. It really really hurt because I was scared and I wasn’t ready for it. But I didn't physically do anything to stop him, I didn't scream or anything, I don't know why, I think I was embarrassed because I must have given him the wrong idea, I couldnt move, I was so shocked. He then took it out and told me to ‘suck it’ or I wasn’t leaving the room. I did what he said a but then I had to stop because I was crying. He pushed me back down and finished himself off inside me. I just lay there, I didn’t know what to do. After he had finished, he said to me “You know the funniest thing? My mum just heard all that”. I was so confused and numb that I left the house as quickly as I could and drove home. I felt completely numb and shocked and what had happened didn’t hit me for a long time. After that I cried and cried, I was hurt and confused I didn’t know what to think. Was it my fault? What exactly had he done? Although I wouldn't have been able to, I had made no physical effort to stop him apart from saying no. I told two people abot what had happened, one thought he shouldn’t have done it and the other was indifferent. This made me think again that it was probably all my fault and I have felt like that ever since. It wasn’t like he took me down a back alley and hurt me, it was my choice to go into his house, I just didn’t expect him to do what he did. Ever since that night I have felt more and more worthless and depressed. I still don’t know weather to blame him or myself, I feel so stupid for trusting him and I still think about it a lot and sometimes I even have nightmares about it, I see his face all the time. I hate it.