Is this rape? Please help.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by xxcollxx, Sep 30, 2007.

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  1. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    I would really like your opinions please.
    A while ago I was forced upon a guy I knew (I don’t speak to him anymore), but as worthless and horrible as it made me feel I do not know if it is classed as rape.
    I liked him and I had kissed him before, however I had bluntly stated to him that I wouldn’t sleep with him. I don’t know if this had made it seem like a ‘challenge’ to him but he had no chance.
    One night I was at a club and he was there too, I was sober as I was driving but he was a bit tipsy. He said his friends had left him and could I give him a lift home, as I was driving others too I said yes. After I had dropped the others off I dropped him off. He asked if I wanted to come in for a chat. I know it was naïve and I've paid heavily for it, but I went in (we were quite good friends too and it was his parents house so wasn’t expecting him to try anything). We went into the kitchen and were talking for a while, just having a laugh about the night. He had a parrot and it suddenly started making lots of noise so he said we should go talk upstairs. I know warning bells should have rang but we were having a laugh and he already knew that I wasn’t going to do anything, let alone sleep with him.
    We went upstairs and sat in his bedroom whispering and having a laugh, so we didn’t wake his mum up.
    It is mostly a blur after that, I don’t know if I have blocked it out or what. I remember him asking for a kiss and I said no I had to get home (I still lived with my parents then), and he said how could I go out dressed like I was and not expect him to want anything from me (I was wearing a vest top and trousers). Then I remember he had dropped him trousers and he said to me that I wasn’t allowed to leave the room until I gave him a ‘blow job’, I thought he was joking and laughed but he wasn’t. He pushed me on the bed and put his hands in my trousers, he was quite heavy and there wasn’t much I could do to stop him. I froze because I didn’t know what to do. Then I remember he took off my trousers and put himself in me. It really really hurt because I was scared and I wasn’t ready for it. But I didn't physically do anything to stop him, I didn't scream or anything, I don't know why, I think I was embarrassed because I must have given him the wrong idea, I couldnt move, I was so shocked. He then took it out and told me to ‘suck it’ or I wasn’t leaving the room. I did what he said a but then I had to stop because I was crying. He pushed me back down and finished himself off inside me. I just lay there, I didn’t know what to do.
    After he had finished, he said to me “You know the funniest thing? My mum just heard all that”. I was so confused and numb that I left the house as quickly as I could and drove home. I felt completely numb and shocked and what had happened didn’t hit me for a long time. After that I cried and cried, I was hurt and confused I didn’t know what to think. Was it my fault? What exactly had he done? Although I wouldn't have been able to, I had made no physical effort to stop him apart from saying no. I told two people abot what had happened, one thought he shouldn’t have done it and the other was indifferent. This made me think again that it was probably all my fault and I have felt like that ever since. It wasn’t like he took me down a back alley and hurt me, it was my choice to go into his house, I just didn’t expect him to do what he did. Ever since that night I have felt more and more worthless and depressed. I still don’t know weather to blame him or myself, I feel so stupid for trusting him and I still think about it a lot and sometimes I even have nightmares about it, I see his face all the time. I hate it.
  2. tilly

    tilly Member

    Yes you were raped. NO it was NOT your fault. You are an intelligent girl who was just like the rest of us. Too trusting. I know how you felt and why you didn't scream. You can't believe it's happening. You honestly believe he won't go all the way. You a sure he's going to stop. You also feel embarrassed and are afraid that you'll be blamed. He was on his home turf with the people who love him and suport him in the next room. You don't get enough time in these situations for your brain to ajust to what is actually happening. You go into total shock and disbelief. You are too stunned. This man is a sick individual and you can bet he has done this before and will do it again. You need to get councelling to deal with your feelings. Look on the internet and talk about it to others who have been through it.. Learn from it and if there is a next time. Scream your lungs out. Preferably with your mouth right next to his ear and don't stop screaming till you get away. STAY SAFE....
  3. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    Sweetie, for your own benefit please remember this:

    It is NEVER a rape victim's fault!

    Yes, it was your choice to accept his invitation to go into his house and up to his bedroom BUT it was NOT your choice to have any sexual activity with him and you made it clear to him by saying no.
    It was his choice not listening to you, not caring like the selfish prick he is and do what he did to you.
    It is not your fault at all, sweetie.
    Don't even blame yourself for it!

    HE is the guilty one for forcing you into a sexual activity you did not want to be part of!
    The fact that there was no phisycal effort on your side to prevent what unfortunately happened it's a common reaction you should not again blame yourself for. Your reaction was out of fear and he knew that and like the coward he is, he took full advantage of it.

    It is entirely his fault honey, not yours for how you were dressed nor going into his house. It should not give anyone the right to committ that horrible crime.

    Remember: it is NOT your fault!
    He is the guilty coward like all rapists of this shit planet.

    One last thing although might be hard to believe given what happened: rapists are less than a man.
    Rapists are not men.
    Rapists are fucked up cowards who hate women and use their dick as a weapon against women to make them feel like men, since they know they are not...but will hardly ever admit that.

    It is more difficult to seduce a woman with charm and intelligence, with humour and personality, with looks and kindness than it is to get her with violence, doing things against her will.
    A real man would NEVER force nor induct a woman into sexual intercourses against her will.
    A real man would NEVER use violence against women.

    I feel for you, even if I don't know you so I want you to know that blaming yourself is a thought you should get out of your head because you have nothing to blame yourself for.

    Did you press charges against that bastard?

    Rapists should be hung by their apparatus to see which one falls off first. Then sentenced to at least 45 years imprisonment and being casted in the same cells where pedophyles are.

  4. Smashed__

    Smashed__ Well-Known Member

    You were naive to go upstairs, but this is Rape- 100% his fault. it may have been avoided, and i'm sure looking back you wish you'd of screamed but never blame yourself. I agree with rocknrollsuicide & tilly. don't second guess yourself dear, you did nothing wrong all you did was trust a "friend".:mad:
  5. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    No, I didn't press charges, firstly I didn't want to go through it again and also after how my friends reacted I didn't know if people would think it was my fault or that I agreed to do it if I tried to tell the police. I guess I didn't want people thinking I was easy or whatever in case anyone else tried it too.
    I don't know if I should have done. I haven't seen him for ages now, the last time I saw him I tried to speak to him about it, maybe justify it or get some answers but he just laughed in my face.
  6. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    This was not your fault, it was rape without a doubt. I'm sorry that your friends have not been supportive, at times like this you really need your friends to be there for you, I'm glad you have found Sf and know that you will find friendship and support here.
    Have you considered having counselling? If not then maybe this is something you could at..

    Take care Hazel xx
  7. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Nobod has the right to force themselves upon another person hun.
    You were raped and it had left u with terrible thoughts and fear
    People that do this kind of thing feel that theu have the right to say they asked for it - this is so untrue nobody asks to be put in such a frighening position
    If u ever need to talk feel free to pm me hun my thoughts are with u :hug::hug::hug:

    Dawn xx
  8. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Doesn't counselling cost money? What if the counsellor laughs at me like he did and thinks I'm pathetic? I just dont know.
    It still hurts so bad. It must have been my fault otherwise it wouldn't have happened, otherwise why doesn't it happen to anyone else I know? I must have done something to trigger it... I just don't understand.
  9. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    You can either get private counselling at charges or for free or at very limited charges through your GP/Doctor.
    A counsellor will NOT laugh at you because it is not what they are trained to do, they are trained to help you not judge you.
    I would suggest to choose a woman helping you in this case.

    He laughed at you because he is a sick piece of shit who does not understand how serious is the crime he committed against you.
    He does not see that as a crime because he is a rapist, someone who will never understand the difference between consenting sexual intercourse where two individuals both want to make love with one another and sexual violence, where one (or more than one) individual imposes his perverted will against that of a non-consenting person.

    You DID NOT trigger anything in him, he is the one who decided to go ahead and inflict his will against yours despite you clearly saying NO to him.

    Book an appointment with your doctor, get counselling, talk to your family if they are supportive and able to listen to you - if not go through the counselling route, go to a rape center (there are plenty available) where you can find the best possible advises and support in these circumstances. Perhaps they will be able to give you counselling for free.
    Look over the Internet for a center close by where you live.

    You are not pathetic at all.
    Pathetic are those who did not and still do not support you in your pain.

    If you want to PM and talk privately I'm here to help the best I can, but please, please as I said before and I'll say it again:

    It's his fault not yours.
    The size of his brain must be equal that of the weapon he used against you, hence him being a rapist and a dickhead whom I hope you have cut all contacts off for good.

    Take very good care of yourself.

    PM me anytime if you want to talk.

    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2007
  10. Its hard to realize what he did as wrong. Trust me. But what he did was rape you did nothing wrong. He is a jerk. Its good that you aren't talking to him. It gets easier. Try to find people to talk to in your area, unfortunately lots of people are raped everyday. Its easier to talk to strangers. If your not ready for that then keep talking to us on here. But you are a victim, nothing you have done is wrong.
  11. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    I just don't know what to do. How can I talk to people face to face about it when the people I've already spoken to didnt think it was a big deal?
    I've lost all my confidence over this, I doubt myself. Sometimes I even doubt whether I told him no. I must have done something to make him do it. I must have led him on.
    I know this story sounds pathetic compared to some of the things others on here have been through but I dont know what else to do.
  12. lilboyblue

    lilboyblue Well-Known Member

    your story is not pathetic, its tragic and you did not deserve for that to happen. you should try to talk about it with a professional because it is a big deal. try checking out or there are many resources out there for you.

    I know it may seem difficult to imagine, but you will be able to overcome this and regain your confidence. just remember, you did nothing wrong.
  13. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Morally it was wrong, but is it rape according to law?
    Should I have taken him to court? I cant now, can I? He'd just say I agreed and his mum was in so she could witness. Hes so clever, I just wish I'd screamed.
  14. rocknrollsuicide

    rocknrollsuicide Well-Known Member

    To say to someone who had the misfortune to be victim of rape "you were naive to go upstairs", "it may have been avoided" and "I'm sure looking back you wish you'd have screamed" is out of order and genuinely insensitive.

    Useless remarks making the victim feel actually worse than she's feeling already.

    Think about who you are posting to before writing those type of judgemental comments.
  15. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Should I have taken him to court? It wouldn't have stood up, would it? Thats above all what makes me doubt that it was rape.
    I hate this.
  16. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    Someone help me please, I want to die, I cant stop thinking about this.
  17. geolab101

    geolab101 Well-Known Member

    i wish none of this would have happened. you need to keep remembering that it wasn't your fault. if you want to press charges or whatever that is your decision.

    edit: i hope you get the support you need.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 25, 2007
  18. Will

    Will Staff Alumni

    Most rape victims never report Rape's. If this wasn't long ago, a rape kit can be performed and he can be put under arrest fairly easily. Either way, he'll get caught. It wasn't your fault, he crossed the line when he said you couldn't leave the room until (etc). You should really go to the cops about it, they'll help you.

    I hope all is well. It wasn't anywhere near your fault.
  19. scared_child

    scared_child Account Closed

    yes, this is most definitely rape. And like others have said b4 me, this is NOT your fault. Although you may think that going into his house was naive, it wasnt. Because you trusted him. And trust is never consider naive. I dont know if you plan on pressing charges, but hope that you can make the decision for yourself. Dont let others influence you not to, or to. good luck, and Im always here if you need to talk. <3
  20. xxcollxx

    xxcollxx Member

    I went into his house, yes and I went into his room, and maybe that shows that I am a weak person who is not very good at standing up to people. Maybe that is why I didnt scream or hit him, I just dont know, I froze... It was the worst experience of my life.
    You want to know what it feels like? It feels like the worst thing you could possibly think of, it makes you paralysed and you lie there knowing that there is nothing you can do to stop it. It hurts physically because you're not ready for it and that hurts for days afterwards. It makes you feel like the most worthless piece of shit in the world because someone feels that your body, your dignity, your trust, something so precious to you is worthless.
    I dont know what you were expecting but thats how it made me feel.
    And I have felt like that ever since.
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