This isn't the life I had dreamed for myself when I was younger. Nothing ever goes right, and no matter how hard I try it just keeps getting worse. I fell in love with a girl and we dated for 13 months and then she left me and now she still does sexual stuff with me, but she lies to me and hangs out with a bunch of other guys now. She says she still loves me, but tells her friends she doesn't. All she does is bring me up and shoot me down farther than I was before. She was my support, and now she's being the drill drilling the hole for my coffin. It's not just her though. My grades suck, and I'm not going to get into any college, and there's no way to redo that. I feel like I have no future, and nothing is going to get better. Why do i even still keep trying? I don't know why to anything anymore. I don't trust anyone anymore. The people who say they're my friends backstab me when I turn around. I just feel so attacked in every possible way. I have no one to help me because I can't trust anyone. Everyone is just going to fucking hurt me more. I want Lauren back so bad, but she won't give me another chance. So, am I that much a fuckup that 13 months means nothing? Then, of course I wreck my car, and since today I was fired from my job so I don't have money to fix it. Nothing is going right. Everything that can go wrong does go wrong, and I want to just end it. I thought about it and decided that the best way to go about is just overdose on painkillers and slit my wrists in the shower. I just wish I was a sociopath though because I can't seem to stomach doing that to my parents. I'm so confused I just want it all to end.