I have felt for a long time that my life has been one big lie after another, after another. I can't stand the person I have become. I can't live with myself today.
I am haunted by mistakes, bad choices, stupid actions. The baby I so selfishly did away with, without even giving him/her the chance to live. The selfish addictive behavior that has plagued me for so long. To think that I would choose the needle over so many people who have been so important to me.
Then, I get myself on track, marry an amazing man, have 2 beautiful children, and then there it comes again. My darkness follows me everywhere I go. I cannot get away from it. I cannot outrun it, I cannot hide from it. Darkness will catch up with me, it always does. I will never be able to be happy and at peace w/ myself. I cannot undo the things I have done. All I can do is move on and live with those things.
They follow me everywhere. They never disappoint me. I guess in some way, I never let them down either...
I am haunted by mistakes, bad choices, stupid actions. The baby I so selfishly did away with, without even giving him/her the chance to live. The selfish addictive behavior that has plagued me for so long. To think that I would choose the needle over so many people who have been so important to me.
Then, I get myself on track, marry an amazing man, have 2 beautiful children, and then there it comes again. My darkness follows me everywhere I go. I cannot get away from it. I cannot outrun it, I cannot hide from it. Darkness will catch up with me, it always does. I will never be able to be happy and at peace w/ myself. I cannot undo the things I have done. All I can do is move on and live with those things.
They follow me everywhere. They never disappoint me. I guess in some way, I never let them down either...