Is this stupid

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by spidy, Jul 11, 2014.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Been well couple of years but have really fallen bck into the blackhole.Dumb arse thoughts again and tht deep darkness.Dont know whats what i know ive beaten it before but has come on with a vengence this time and guess i really dont know how tooo deal with this bout.My health dont seem good still doing everything for everyone but me and more is expected as i do sleep in more and i seem too cop tht shit yet its ppl tht meant to give a shit yet dont see me falling.I m fcked had enough cant keep doing this as just dont even do it for me.Hate this life hate me tried to find myself but i m lost.Cant keep this mime up i have to go yet this time will be done properly and descretely.Havnt lost plot like i normally do just biding time.I just really feel sorry for my kids as they are going to loose a Dad.Hard to say but they will grow and learn not to be me.
  2. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi spidy, glad you see you again, have been thinking of you over the time you not been here wondering how you are doing - sorry that it's a downtime again :( for you - of course it isn't stupid, good on you for reaching out, you are still wanting things to be different and for the mental anguish to not be there, that is great - and you don't want to leave your kids you know that. We've got to find the way through for you - because the way up is through - and so strategies need to be found that will help you to do this. Yes, it is a tough road, I've been there and know it, but I also know that there are strategies you can employ which will help you, like finding rungs on the ladder out of the pit. Maybe too difficult to type into small boxes publicly - please PM me if you'd like to and we can talk some more about it - anything is worth a try rather than this, and those who've been helped up can help others- that is what it's all about hun :)
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi Spidy i am sorry you are back down in the pit again YOU can come back out ok hun Your kids love you spidy they do and they do NOT judge you ok they will not move forward they will be left with a great deal of sadness They will always need you hun i hold on only for that reason i cannot pass this dam sadness to my kids as well

    You talk to your doctor ok you get on newer meds add with some different therapy you can and will come up again depression is that a way a cycle hugs
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You can fight your way back out of that pit. :hug: I know it may not feel like it right now, but you can. Your kids need you, and losing you is something that would hurt them forever.

    Here if you want to talk.
  5. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Thanks all of you i know ya here but this time pit is big.Even if i wanted think hole is too big to get out of.My fault a bit crook as a dog guess to stubborn to go to doc.Still ppl not my kids but ppl still pushing pushing told em not well but they dont get it.Guess i mean fck all so be it.Yes my kids will always go why i know but hey why should they watch me just destroy myself.I really dont care anymore as ive been down this path but this is last time just a matter of when.I cant deal with my head going off its nut and the stress which goes with it.Thought i was going awesome seems i m just all mucked up.I m still fcking used and abused and i really cant get my own shit togeather ive tried but always fail my life.I really didnt want to come here and whinge yet you guys let me vent but this time it aint venting just need a rest from my head.I m a bloke cry everyday and for some reason just alwyas think of a way to dissappear for good.That sux when ya got kids but guess i m at the end.Only one comes to stay anyway so hey fck it.I m a cock up once i m buried ppl be happier except those tht use me.Why me wish i was strong really i hate being me i hate who i am
  6. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Yep been away and thought about all this lost it all.This far yet cant find a single reason too like myself or even enjoy life.Yes have kids and swear to god love them too bits.Very though have sort of lost touch with my oldest my youngest well just mummys boy and really dosnt want much to do with me my second oldest yes she spends lots of time at my house then my 3rd is iffy.Sux being a Dad in a separation i get on good with ex yet dont have any say in bringing them up i just pick up pieces and not just for my kids her as well.I am worn out cant seem to enjoy anything really just had enough again.Swore never be bck into this state of mind but wow it is really taking a toll
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.