is this the bottom?

I have been thru a lot in my life..don't feel like I can continue to pick myself back up again. The divorce of my parents, being bounced from home to home, the suicide of my father, rape, severe burns over most of my body...and this was all by the age of 15. Somehow I managed to finish school against many many odds. I married what I thought was a wonderful man who seemed to accept me despite my looks and past. I gave birth to 2 beautiful children even though medically I wasn't supposed to. Then this January my husband of 17 years left me for another woman. I was forced to move out of our home. 80% of my belongings were thrown away. I have no job, no family where I live, very little "friends" and everything has changed. Its now 5 months later and the sad, bad, mad and every other feeling under the sun keeps getting worse. I would like to get help, but barely have the strength to breath. About 4 or 5 days ago I sat in my bathroom floor getting ready to kill myself. I began writing letters to my kids and others. I didn't kill myself because I couldn't finish the letters. I see no hope for a future. My heart belongs to the man that threw me away like trash. Most days I feel that the trash is more valuable than me. I am normally a positive person who likes to help others feel better, but now I feel like a waste of oxygen. Not sure how much longer I can hold on.

 

Hi hun i am sorry you have gone through so much pain and now this. YOur kids will always be your life line okay. The are your miracles and they will always love you and need you. Please don't leave themwith more confusion more pain. Can you call your doctor okay just call and tell him her that you need help you are severly depressed and suicdal and need medication to get stable. Life does move on okay What he as done has nothing to do with you he is the one that is in the wrong here not you You will heal with help you will okay just don't give up on YOU or your children reach out and get on meds okay and get some therapy to help your through this.

 

now sounds like a good time to send out an sos to family and friends. getting on meds sounds like a good first step. I think that you can go to a hospital and they would treat you. you should be eligible for medicaid or other form of medical assistance

getting stable sounds like the top priority. you should be able to get a settlement from your ex, particularly considering that you went through so much hardship when you moved out.

do you want to talk about what happened with your ex? I think that men often don't talk about what they feel, so if something is bothering them you don't find out until the break up

I'm sorry that this happened to you. You are not trash. You deserved love and kindness, and I hope that you can still find that.

:hug: :hug: :hug: