is this the day.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Jul 29, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    dark thoughts are more intense tonight..I try writing but I'm slipping I've spoken to sams - someone told me that life would get better (for her maybe). I'm sorry.

    when does the fog that set it in lift,
    when does day give into nite
    my heads racing ahread of me
    my body to drained to see
    the feelins have all but gone
    nothing I feel, not even wrong
    people walking past
    but where am I heading?
    Depression has taken a hold
    it won't let go, its got to bold
    I can't fight this anymore
    This is worse then before
    my head is hurting,
    my heart is broken
    for the things I've lost
    all at a personal cost
    I've lost the courage to fight
    I've lost the hope to survive.
    I've lost the will to live.
    I've lost the person that I once was
    I can no longer stand and be tall
    I've shrunk I'm so small
    for the things I had to do
    I can't change nor undo.
    I'm exhausted from life
    I just want to sleep and be through
    make it to the gates of heaven
    and be free from this life, this demon.
    I don't like goodbyes
    they hurt and make me cry
    and I'm sorry to do this to you
    but I feel I have no other choice.
    I'm not sure where I'm heading
    or indeed what I'm doing
    but something has to give
    and it has to be today.
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Please don't give up lost_child. While things may seem totally out of control right now and you see no way out, options still do exist. Things do not get better all at onece. It takes a great deal of time and patience. Sometimes others are able to see improvement before we can ourselves. Let us continue to try and help you through these times. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if things improve for you. :hug:
     
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Thank you for ur reply - u are right when u say u have everything to gain and nothing really to lose, its just I live with negative thoughts..mentally (sometimes) I know that it might improve, but emotionally I'm destroyed, I'm already dead, I died many years ago, now its just my empty soul breathing but not living here on earth.

    You the days when u feel u have a choice - the moments when u think maybe I can pull thru something always seems to be waiting to pull u down, I can't remember a day that went past where I didn't feel like death was my only choice, I can't remember a day where I went to sleep wanting to wake up tomorrow. I don't want to live in fear waiting for someone to hurt me again, I don't want to live waiting for something bad to happen, hearing the words useless, pathetic, stupid, get over it, oh not that old chestnut. I don't want to live with memories of the abuse, yet everywhere I go there's one of them with me, not physically but mentally and emotionally. Sounds Ironic, but going thru the abuse was easier to deal with then it is now.
     
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