Is This The End?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Nookelavee, May 4, 2014.

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  1. Nookelavee

    Nookelavee New Member

    I started receiving Anxiety,Depression & Panic attacks about two years ago. I went to bed as normal and basically didn't get up for three weeks. I didn't understand what was going on and thought that was the end of me, there were no other explanations…I was dying. During that three weeks I had a worst hits tapes playing in my mind of every wrong thing I've done in my life,I felt awful…useless even. For my mind this wasn't enough now the thoughts switched to suicide and how much easier it would be if I wasn't here. After the three weeks I told my husband I couldn't take anymore I could give in or I could go out. So I went out. The GP wasn't very understanding and sent me away with medication alongside beta blockers to slow my heart rate down but never once explained what Anxiety was or why it's doing this to me! I began to get irritable with people and lost patience and that's where losing my family came in…they didn't understand me anymore and I didn't understand ME. They left me to fend for myself so now moving on it's just me,my husband and my autistic daughter of Nine years old. It's hard work and I'm scared all the time. I have no friends and to be honest if family can do that to me I couldn't bear to carry that cross again it's too painful. To bring it to this moment in time I've broken my foot by falling down the stairs in my home, my daughter is angry all the time and constantly shouts and screams at me, My husband has had strokes and now a heart attack so no doubt I'll probably be on my own soon "literally" I'm terrified and I feel like this is too much for one person to take and I don't want to be here anymore this time through my bouts of Anxiety I have made plans and that scares me even more. I don't want to die but I feel like I'm in a living nightmare "no family,no friends" Alone. I can't take the pain anymore.​
     
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :( :hug: I understand about the anxiety, because I have generalized anxiety. It can literally paralyze you from doing stuff. Meds help me a lot with that because before the meds I was really bad, and couldn't do much. Now I still have problems with my anxiety but it is not as worse as without them. I can sort of put some problems aside without having that scream in my head that I am bad and stuff.

    Did the doctor give you a few numbers of therapists to call? or counsellors? because that could be a good comfort and support system where you can talk about the things that are in your life and get full support from them. When my mother was in psychosis I was really a train wreck and I got a counsellor that helped me make sense of the madness that was going on in my life.

    I'm sorry this is hard on you at the moment...but keep talking here, we're listening. :hug:
     
  3. Nookelavee

    Nookelavee New Member

    Thank you for answering me it really means the world right now. I've been offered group therapy which starts at the end of June I wish it would come quicker but that's the hand I've been dealt with so I'll grin and bear. I keep trying to tell myself that this is just a feeling and feelings change I have gotten through it in the past and I can do it again. I know I sound pitiful it's just that the bad stuff keeps happening so before I get a chance to deal with one situation and move on another occurs and it feels like I'm snow trapped. I do have a big problem with people in that I like them but they don't seem to like me so someone recommended I try a chatroom which I'll look into later. Another good advice I had was "Stop trying to get better and let things sort itself out on their own" Anything has got to be worth a try right?
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If the medication your doctor put you on is not working then go back ok and tell your gp you need to see a specialist a pdoc even someone that can diagnose you properly and get you into therapy sooner I am glad you are talking here it helps to know you are heard and not alone hugs
     
  5. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    yes it is worth a try. I think that we are raised to always be perfect and good, never make mistakes and being down is never normal. All that is a lie, we can't always be happy, sometimes we do fall down, and it should be okay. Take some me time while waiting for the therapy. Do stuff that make you happy, try soothing methods, like meditations, tapping etc...

    I've started ASMR and like it a lot, it calms me down and, two nights ago I fell asleep to it, :eek: that was a miracle for me because sleeping is really hard for me, due to the damn anxiety. It didn't put me to sleep yesterday but it does calm me down a lot.

    So, anyways...:) enjoy your me time. Choose yourself 1st and foremost.
     
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