Is this too explicit for a school poem?

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letmedisappear

Well-Known Member
#1
So we're supposed to write a poem about a paradox, and this is what I came up with, after my experience in the hospital in the fall. Do you think it's safe to give to a teacher as an assignment for school?


They locked me up
That girl
That thing
That desperate creature trying to destroy herself
She tries too hard
Overwhelmed
Not focused
She can’t deal with her own schedule
She needs some freedom to think

They locked me up
Gave me time
Gave me room
Let me spread the chaos of my mind on clean white beds
We will be here to look over her
Keep her well
Keep her safe
We will give her pills that will make her happy and free to think
And restrain her from driving down into the darkness

They locked me up
Wake up
Go to bed
A schedule to keep me well and body regulated
She seems to be getting better
Realizing
Understanding
Life isn’t perfect; it’s unfair and limiting
But she can free herself from depression by accepting the restraints

They let me free
I’m better
I’m okay
I’m out of their prison, and into the world
She’s free to leave, to go home
To her schedule
School, and work
She’ll be fine as long as she frees her mind from depression
Frees herself from the freedom to ponder into the unknown
Frees herself from what causes her downs, this philosophy
Frees herself from her own wretched mind
Frees herself from what makes her, her
Frees herself
So she’ll never again achieve the death that she desires.
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#2
You clearly has skills way older than your age...although this is so very sad, and may be too mature for your peers, you are very gifted...clearly, I wish the content of the whole poem was different, as you deserve a different kind of freedom, one of happiness, which it seems by the end you were referring to, but also, I hope you continue to persue a writing career as you are so talented...also, please make sure you continue to get care...being free from depression and its effects takes advocacy for yourself and the wisdom of helpers around you
 

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#3
If I were your teacher I'd be very very impressed, but be prepared for the fact that some people can be a little freaked out by that much honesty.
 

Mr Stewart

Well-Known Member
#4
I don't have an answer about the appropriateness of this for submission in school. I just wanted to say you certainly have a knack for poetry. Keep at it. :)
 

letmedisappear

Well-Known Member
#5
Thanks everyone for the feedback
I've written some other things, but I don't often finish things I start unless it's for a grade or I'm really motivated... something rare for me :dead:
To make it a bit less...dangerous, my friend suggested to change "death" in the last line to "goal", so I think I'll do that. Thanks for the support
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#6
Also show someone who is a wise adult IRL your poem so that s/he knows what is going on for you...keep writing and please share them with us
 
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