Is this too going to far for a 13 year old girl?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by InsaneGigglingMonster, Aug 27, 2012.

  1. I have a long distance relationship. We live 2 hours apart and have never met in real life, but we have gotten on skype and have gotten on webcam together. The thing is that whenever we are alone when both of our parents and family are out of the house we get on webcam and..... get undressed in front of each and do sexual poses and watch each other dance naked sometimes and do closeup of the private parts.... we do that stuff..... everytime i see his penis I'm shocked because I'm not use to seeing penis' and and different and big! I'm trying to get used to it..... anyway is this wrong? Is this too far? It's been bugging me for a while now because I keep wandering if this is okay. I also wabder if any other girls my age do this?....
     
  2. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I think other girls your age probably do it, but I don't think it's something you should be doing.

    I also have to ask-- how old is this guy?? Not that his being your age would make it okay, just that it does make it creepier and more dangerous for you.

    There are so many things that could go wrong.

    1. Someone could walk in on you unexpectedly. This isn't by far the worst thing.

    2. Someone could be recording the video for their own private 'use'.

    3. Someone could be recording the video for public use-- everyone could see it one day.

    4. Someone could put the video online on a public forum.

    5. Someone could put the video online on a public forum and someone you know could end up downloading it.

    6. That person could show everyone at your school.

    7. None of those things could happen, but you could meet the guy in real life only to find out that he's not what you expected.

    8. You could meet him and he could abuse you, or worse.

    So yeah, there are just so very very very many reasons to not do what you're doing. Even though I understand that you're curious and you want to know more and it probably feels pretty exciting, you still have the rest of your life to think about and doing things like this is dangerous and asking for trouble… and you should stop.

    I'm not saying that you're a bad person for doing it, you're not… but you still have a lot of time to find out about these things and you'll be a lot happier if you wait until you're older… not too much older (30 is pretty old), but definitely older than 13. And don't be ashamed about opening up to your friends either… I know it's embarrassing, but they can seriously help you out in this kind of situation and not telling anyone about this kind of thing also puts you at risk.
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I think you know in your heart of hearts that this is wrong.
    This is something I wouldnt do at my age and I'm in my 50s, its something I wouldnt have done at any age, but can well remember the pressures that can be brought to bear on a vunerable teenager.
    When in doubt, ask yourself how you would feel if this got out.
    If the answer is "OMG NO!" then don't do it.
    Your young yes, but you still have your gut instincts, when a thing feels wrong or uncomfortable, stand your ground and say no.
     
  4. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    My advice is not to do it. I started showing myself and seeing others on webcam at around age 12/13. It started off with strangers and I just used to block them afterwards, but I feel dirty and disgusting. Then when I was 13 I showed myself to this guy from school who was older than me, and him to me. I was 13 he was 16. Ended up with him sexually assaulting me and a bad reputation about me going round school It really messed me up. You are young, enjoy your childhood.
     
  5. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    I am telling you this as someone that has been there, done that. I agree with the previos posters. If this was your Real Life BF and you knew each other that would be safer, more secure. This being an unknown person is not 100% a sure thing. It is not immoral, and no one but you can make a decision on if you want this to continue, but there can be rerecussions that you are not expecting.

    If it were to become public knowledge, your family or friends can label you or think you are worse than a murderer, a druggie, worse than ANYHING!! It depends on how they think or what standards your family has. Your best friend or anyone you care for will disown you, call you names &/or no longer speak to you if they do find out. You can be judged, and shunned. Half of my family (dad's side-Dad is passed!!) no longer talks to me, and I am not included or alive to them anymore (this includes 2 sisters, aunt, many cousins, step-mom). I did nothing immoral, I have not hurt anyone. I have had a baby or been addicted to drugs as my cousins have done, yet I am the vile, disgusting, sick, evil one.

    I've been in a sextexting relationship that turned into web cam friendship (or whatever it's called now). We have been online for quite some time. We are adults, but we've endured some things I would prefer (hope) you not face. He almost lost his job. His wife divorced him. I had my family judge me. In the scheme of things, it's not a big thing. To some, it is like an XXXX porno film.

    You are young, & this may be innocent now, yet as gloomy stated there are several good reasons why you do not need to continue doing this. If you do continue, live and learn...you may be super surprised what can happen.
     
  6. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I don't know if you know about the site <Mod Edit>, but thousands… even tens or hundreds of thousands of people go to this site every day and almost every day they have 'cam*****' threads where they post pictures of girls doing naked poses, just like you. And then those pictures get saved and reposted over and over and over. Sometimes someone recognizes one of them and posts their info online, and then they start stalking and bullying that person for their own amusement.

    I'm not so great at self-discipline myself but one thing I would never do is post a picture of myself online where I could be identified. It's amazing how kids nowadays (it makes me sound old but I'm not that old-- still, I'm old enough to be your dad) don't have the same sense of privacy that we had.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2012
  7. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I think the fact that you're questioning whether this is okay, shows that you know deep down it isn't. It isn't safe; it only takes a split second for really bad things to happen.
     
  8. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    :S It's difficult to tell you anything, but if you feel off about it, it's more than likely something you should trust. I know the internet and things are changing the way people communicate, but..

    The thing about the internet is that things can develop extremely fast, whereas in person these things would be slowed down or even denied. You can feel safe being alone in your room, and when someone asks you to do something that actually is very personal, it can seem easier or "better/safer" behind a camera. But if the samething was asked in person, your response might be very very different.

    All I'm trying to say is, you need to set ground rules for yourself. I honestly mean that. What you are prepared to let yourself do, what you aren't ect. I think you need to talk to someone who you know and trust, so you can help put some things into perspective. Things can go from uneasy, to awkward, to ok, to common things very quickly. You need to be extremely careful how fast you let things go. It's just a matter of respecting yourself, and protecting yourself.


    And unfortunatly... your generation has grown up with technology at a very awkward stage and they're totally naft at explaining it that webcams are very dangerous tools. Anything can be recorded, a baffoon can learn how to do it in half an hour. It's not paranoia, it's a matter of respecting the tools you are using. It's something you unfortuantly need to be extremely aware of all the time, especially when you are putting yourself in vulnerable situations.

    Besides that... what you're doing? Idk, but for a guy, his hormones will be raging mad through him, so he's gonna be lapping this up. Just be careful and honestly, I think if you're feeling iffy about it, it's not right for you.
     
  9. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I think you should only be doing such things right in front of that person, not over a webcam where it can potentially be recorded and spread out for many others to see which you'd never expect. This is especially if you break up with this person and they use it as revenge against you, as blackmail to keep you from leaving or for you to come back to him, etc. Its very dangerous in my opinion and I'd stop it as soon as you can.

    I've read so many stories of how teenage girls have send their boyfriends revealing or nude pictures and videos of themselves on cell-phones and their boyfriends or then later ex-boyfriends show it to their friends, friends of friends, etc. and it spreads out of control and the poor girl is forever humiliated and labeled as a "slut" by everyone else in the school or even beyond it. Its just truly horrible. I'd hate for that to happen to you.

    I know you may feel frustrated that he is relatively far away from you. But I'd personally wait until you can be with him in the same room before doing such acts. You're lucky that 2 hours isn't that far away, I wish all my internet friends or those I have a crush on were only 2 hours away, haha. But I know that can be really far for a 13 year old, and not so far for someone my age with a car, etc. :(
     
  10. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    Hell no. 13? If you need to ask then you know damn well it's wrong. Stop doing it. Get your head out of this man, and into the books. Think about this: you're putting yourself, your most private parts, on display for someone to see as if you are a *****, his *****. Like a prostitute. Learn about yourself first and what you deserve and how you should treat yourself by being picky about who you show yourself to before you let someone else define you. If he has a problem with you saying "no, I don't feel comfortable showing you myself anymore," then what was the quality of this "relationship" from the start? Try it and find out, watch his reaction. You don't have time for these social burdens at your age. He can take that video and post it all over the internet, and then what? Who would be looking stupid? Focus on the important things right now - school, friends, constructive hobbies.